Skip to main content

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Bracket XLIV (Matches 345-352)

 

MVP (Montel Vontavious Porter) VS Shawn Michaels

Hoo boy, would this be a classic!  MVP is proving even in 2014 that he can still go, and I'm sure Michaels would at least avoid making a fool of himself if he decided to step back in the ring, but that's a moot point.  We're talking about both guys in their prime.  For my money, Michaels's prime was after the back injury.  The guy just came back so free, so ready to do anything that it turns out he could do everything.  And yo, MVP is a helluva competitor, but there's no way he's beating Shawn Michaels in his prime.  (That underline was an accident, but since it was the third time I'd italicized something in the match, what the hell?)


 

Tony Mamaluke VS Fandango

Fandango sashes his way to Round 2.


 

Sylvan Grenier VS Yoshi Tatsu

Yoshi Tatsu is hella underrated.  He gets the victory over a guy who's move was called "The French Tickler" and had a giant poodle accompany him to ringside.


 

Curtis Axel VS Heath Slater

The way they're booking 3MB these days, Curtis Axel could probably beat all three of them at once.




Happy Humphrey VS Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli

Johnny The Bull was an all right guy in WCW.  But dude, no way in hell he's beating a guy who was almost 800lbs. (that's not an exaggeration; Happy Humphrey was the heaviest wrestler in history, once tipping the scales at 900lbs.).


 

Billy Gunn VS Shelton Benjamin

Shelton Benjamin should have been World Champion.  I don't know what the hell happened.  But dammit, he's going deep on these ho's.  Billy ain't no pushover, but Shelton gotsta get to the finals.  Ain't no stoppin' him NAAAAW!




Les Thornton VS Damien Demento

Damien Demento's only accolade is main eventing the first episode of Monday Night Raw against The Undertaker.  Les Thornton was one of the best juniorweights of the 70's.  Thornton in five.


 

D'Lo Brown VS Hillbilly Jim

You can't plant hayseed in a chest protector.  D'Lo busts out the loaded frog splash for the win.  (And the head bobble.)


RECAP:

Shawn Michaels defeats MVP
Fandango defeats Tony Mamaluke
Yoshi Tatsu defeats Sylvan Grenier
Curtis Axel defeats Heath Slater
Happy Humphrey defeats Johnny The Bull
Shelton Benjamin defeats Billy Gunn
Les Thornton defeats Damien Demento
D'Lo Brown defeats Hillbilly Jim

Come on back Monday for the conclusion of the First Round!!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Update Wrap-Up

Well, The Big Four Song Challenge Series Update has drawn to a close, and here we are in the aftermath.  Metallica edged out Megadeth on the strength of bonus material, Anthrax did okay and Slayer should have broken up when Jeff Hanneman died.  For real, all coming back with another album did for them was...well, make them money and allow them to keep touring and making more money, so there's that.  But more importantly, by releasing "Repentless", they dropped from two to three on my completely arbitrary opinion based blog series status ranking system!  Surely, that can't have been worth a couple million bucks?

Anyhow, I'm getting the feeling that rock music in general is going to need to evolve into something completely different or call it quits altogether.  Rock has had its 60 year run just like jazz did before it, and if it doesn't come up with something soon, it will fade away from the public consciousness, only to return in Gap commercials in the 2040…

THE GRUNGE MATCH - Conclusion

This has certainly been a heck of a thing.

Writing this started out as a labor of love to a subgenre of rock and roll that came along at the perfect time for me (both when I was entering middle school in the bottom 5 of the popularity pecking order and when I started buying albums at the impressionable age of 11).  It obviously took a long time to put together: August 29th, 2016 is when I began planning, May 24th is when I wrote the last entry, the wee hours of August 1st, 2017 is when I finished proofreading and uploading the entries to the blog with video links, and here I am typing these words on August 15th.

The elephant in the room is this genre seems to be built on death.  Three of the four frontmen of these bands are dead, one of which occurred during the run of this series.  (Shouts to Alice In Chains bassist Mike Starr as well.  R.I.P.)  On top of that, Pearl Jam only exists because the lead singer of Mother Love Bone died, causing that band to break up.  If you go down the nex…

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Matchup 185

Anthrax "Vice Of The People" (2016) VS Megadeth "Melt The Ice Away" (2016) VS Metallica "When A Blind Man Cries" (2016) VS Slayer "Pride In Prejudice" (2015)

"Vice Of The People" is the Japanese bonus track for "For All Kings".  Aaaand it starts with that doofy march beat.  Wonderful.  The lyrics don't do it any favors in the "I should take this seriously" department either.  And like most of the songs I've slagged in this Update process, it's not bad.  It's just so "...whatever."

"Melt The Ice Away" is a Budgie cover that was the Spotify exclusive bonus track for "Dystopia".  It's funny how the original Budgie tracks are often much softer than the bands that cover them and turn them into fucking barnburners.  This song sounds a little goofy in the vocals and lyrics department, but knowing it's a Budgie song, it totally gets a pass.  And unlike some covers of Budgi…