Wednesday, April 23, 2014

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets V-VIII, Third Round (Matches 549-556):

BRACKET V, Third Round (Matches 549 & 550):




Jackie Fargo VS Triple H

Jackie Fargo may have trained some of the best, but Triple H is one of the best.  Believe In Evolution.


 

Monty Brown VS Chris Benoit

This is one that would have been smash mouthed, but when Brown would go for the Pounce, Benoit would sidestep him into the Crossface for the tapout.  A brisk six minutes.


BRACKET VI, Third Round (Matches 551 & 552):


 

Alberto Del Rio VS "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

Interesting matchup, but there's no way Austin would lose to ADR.  About 14:38 for this one, then the Stunner, followed by a beer bath for e'erbody.  (But because Austin can be a gracious motherfucker, he drenches Del Rio in Corona; also because WWE writing has never been great with subtlety.)




 Bad News Brown VS Bobby Lashley

Allan "Bad News" Coage won the Bronze Medal for the U.S. in 1976 in Judo.  The guy was legit.  Lashley, however, not only has the action figure physique, the speed of a cat and the move set of a champ, but he went 8-1 in his MMA career.  And while that wasn't in the UFC, it was still legit.  Lashley has the tools to be a world champion if he wanted (and no, I don't count his reign as ECW Champion, because that belt was as important as the European title by then).  Bad News was close, but Lashley could take him.  It would be an interesting contest.


BRACKET VII, Third Round (Matches 553 & 554):




Matt Hardy VS Booker T

This would be a good match.  Booker T has hella more singles experience though, and singles success.  Spin-A-Rooney over the fallen Hardy Boy.




Masahiro Chono VS Davey Richards

Against conventional wisdom, I hafta go with Davey Richards.  He's on that Daniel Bryan type of level skill wise, and his reign as ROH Champion was spectacular.


BRACKET VIII, Third Round (Matches 555 & 556):




Kane VS Bray Wyatt

Bay Wyatt is probably the second hottest commodity in wrestling today, but what's hotter than Hell Fire & Brimstone?  Yes, Kane lost to Bray Wyatt at Summerslam last year, but we can all agree he wasn't exactly in his prime when he did so.  (Neither was Bray Wyatt...yet.)  Wyatt can out mind-game the Big Red Machine, but Kane can flat out destroy people when he gets his druthers.  The Devil's Favorite Demon for the win.


 

Cody Rhodes VS Marty Jannetty

This would've been pretty damn good.  Both guys are underrated as fuck.  The difference is Cody still has a chance to prove everybody wrong.  (It also helps that he didn't get himself fired more times than anybody can count, but that's neither here nor there.)  Anyway, I gotta give the edge to Cody, because even though Jannetty had as much potential as Shawn Michaels, he never lived up to it.  Cody may still.


RECAP:

Triple H defeats Jackie Fargo
Chris Benoit defeats Monty Brown
Steve Austin defeats Alberto Del Rio
Bobby Lashley defeats Bad News Brown
Booker T defeats Matt Hardy
Davey Richards defeats Masahiro Chono
Kane defeats Bray Wyatt
Cody Rhodes defeats Marty Jannetty

Come on back for Brackets IX, X, XI and XII!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets I-IV, Third Round (Matches 541-548)

BRACKET I, Third Round (Matches 541 & 542):


 

Bobo Brazil VS Luke Harper

This one is tough, as Harper's been killin' it lately, but Brazil is a legend, and killed it for many moons.  Bobo in a good one.


 

Jim Londos VS "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry

Last night I stumbled on footage of Jim Londos wrestling Bronco Nagurski for the World Heavyweight Championship back in 1938.  The film was not well preserved, but it still showed most, if not all of the contest, and if Londos could fend off Bronco strength wise, he could at least stand up to Mark Henry, one would think.  Add his technique in, and you have the Greek Adonis going over the curator of the Hall of Pain.


BRACKET II, Third Round (Matches 543 & 544):


 

Eddie Edwards VS The Iron Sheik

All good things and all.  Iron Sheik humbles Eddie Edwards around the 15-minute mark.




"Rugged" Ronnie Garvin VS "Scrap Iron" Adam Pearce

Both men have held the NWA gold, but Peace did it in the last five years, after they left TNA.  Garvin wore the Big Gold Belt back in 1987 by beating Ric Flair for it.  Plus, Garvin traded the NWA TV Title back and forth with Jake "The Snake" Roberts in the early 80's, and he's got "Hands Of Stone".  Garvin for the win.


BRACKET III, Third Round (Matches 545 & 546):


 

Wladek Zbyszko VS Lance Hoyt

I had no idea Lance Hoyt was so flexible...being bent into a pretzel like that by Mr. Zbyszko can't have been comfortable...




"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair VS The One Man Gang

Speaking of the Nature Boy, here he is using his brain power (and heel shit aplenty) to overcome the obstacle of the 6'9" 450lb. monster from Chi-Town.  He ain't gettin' the Figure Four on this bad boy, but he can also school boy trip, roll up, hook the tights and put feet on the ropes with the best of 'em!  WOOOO!!!!!


BRACKET IV, Third Round (Matches 547 & 548):


 

BJ Whitmer VS D-Von Dudley

This is what Jim Ross would call a "Slobber-Knocker".  Two tough guys going at it for ten minutes and leaving it all in the ring.  D-Von has the experience edge by almost a decade, so I've gotta go with him.





Da fuck?




 

Antonino Rocca Alexander Rusev VS Shad Gaspard

Finally, I have definitive proof that this tournament is just too fucking big (as if all these entries weren't enough).  Out of 720 wrestlers, ONE GUY was in the brackets twice, and his name is Antonino Rocca.  He would have faced Shad Gaspard here today, but I just published an entry yesterday saying he lost to Hulk Hogan in Bracket XLII.  It was a rando-type-a-choice, but I decided to have him fall to Hogan, and replace him with another wrestler here in Round 3 before Round 3 really got going.

But who do you replace him with?  There's already SEVEN HUNDRED AND FUCKING TWENTY WRESTLERS IN THIS THING.  Easy.  I picked a guy I didn't know existed until well after the tournament started, and has been bulldozing under guys on Raw for the past few weeks now.  Alexander Rusev.  And speaking of bulldozing, he would have bulldozed Rocca's first round opponent Mikey Whipwreck, and may or may not have been able to defeat Waldo Von Erich in Round number two.  (I'm okay with "may".)  Which brings us to Shad, who, in spite of his 6'7, 300lb. frame and incredible strength and agility, would have been crushed beneath the Bulgarian Nightmare's wave of brute force.  (Especially out of a tag setting.)  Rusev for the win.


RECAP:

Bobo Brazil defeats Luke Harper
Jim Londos defeats Mark Henry
The Iron Sheik defeats Eddie Edwards
Ronnie Garvin defeats Adam Pearce
Wladek Zbyszko defeats Lance Hoyt
Ric Flair defeats One Man Gang
D-Von defeats BJ Whitmer
Alexander Rusev defeats Shad Gaspard

Come on back for Brackets V, VI, VII and VIII!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

THIS SHIT IS TAKING FOREVER: The Rest Of Round Two In One Entry!

BRACKET XXIII, Second Round (Matches 449-452):

M.I. Smooth defeats Buddy Rose
Charlie Haas defeats Kevin Von Erich
Jake "The Snake" defeats Luther Reigns
Verne Gagne defeats Chris Jericho

BRACKET XXIV, Second Round (Matches 453-456):

Haku defeats Ray Steele
The Wall defeats Tomko
911 defeats I.R.S.
Giant Baba defeats Bastion Booger

BRACKET XXV, Second Round (Matches 457-460):

Edge defeats Colt Cabana
George Hackenschmidt defeats Roderick Strong
Mideon defeats Squire David Taylor
Lawrence Taylor defeats The Great Khali

BRACKET XXVI, Second Round (Matches 461-464):

"The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiassi defeats Psychosis
Sting defeats Dean Ambrose
Alex Shelley defeats Hector Guerrero
Dean Malenko defeats Disco Inferno

BRACKET XXVII, Second Round (Matches 465-468):

Kurt Angle defeats Yokozuna
Owen Hart defeats Frankie Kazarian
Stan "The Man" Staziak defeats Kenzo Suzuki
The Boogeyman defeats Sam Houston

BRACKET XXVIII, Second Round (Matches 469-472):

"Cowboy" James Storm defeats The Big Bossman
Damien Sandow defeats Butch Reed
Goldberg defeats Floyd "Money" Mayweather
"The Belfast Bruiser" Fit Finlay defeats "The Polish Hammer" Ivan Putski

BRACKET XXIX, Second Round (Matches 473-476):

Bret "The Hitman" Hart defeats Vader
Mustapha Saed defeats "Gigolo" Jimmy Del Ray
Nick Bockwinkel defeats John Morrison
Blackjack Lanza defeats John Kronos

BRACKET XXX, Second Round (Matches 477-480):

The Ultimate Warrior defeats "The Vampire Princess" Jimmy Jacobs
Kamala, The Ugandan Giant defeats Tajiri
Lou Thez defeats Scott Hall
Sheamus defeats "Maniac" Mike Davis

BRACKET XXXI, Second Round (Matches 481-484):

Bully Ray defeats "Gorgeous" George Wagner
Antonio Cesaro defeats Armando Alejandro Estrada
Typhoon defeats CW Anderson
Samoa Joe defeats Butcher Vachon

BRACKET XXXII, Second Round (Matches 485-488):

Tazz defeats "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton
The Rock defeats Tommy Dreamer
Bruno Sammartino defeats Jay Briscoe
JBL defeats Dick Murdock

BRACKET XXXIII, Second Round (Matches 489-492):

Austin Aries defeats Ezekiel Jackson
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper defeats Brian Lee
"Dangerous" Dan Spivey defeats The Barbarian
Roman Reigns defeats "Mr. Wrestling" Tim Woods

BRACKET XXXIV, Second Round (Matches 493-496):

"Superfly" Jimmy Snuka "Soul Man" Rocky Johnston
Terry Funk defeats "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
"The Scissor King" Joe Stecher defeats Eric Young
Hector Garza defeats "Hollywood" John Tatum

BRACKET XXXV, Second Round (Matches 497-500):

Afa defeats Robbie E
Jushin Thunder Liger defeats Necro Butcher
"Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert defeats Jose Lothario
Stanislaus Zbyszko defeats Jaques Rougeau (aka The Mountie)

BRACKET XXXVI, Second Round (Matches 501-504):

"Flyin'" Brian Pillman defeats Scott Putski
The Crusher defeats "Cowboy" Bob Orton
Michael "P.S." Hayes defeats "High Chief" Peter Maivia
Haystacks Calhoun defeats "Big Bad" Bobby Duncam

BRACKET XXXVII, Second Round (Matches 505-508):

Homicide defeats Ken Patera
Ed "The Strangler" Lewis defeats Bruce Hart
Kevin Nash defeats Mr. T
"Big" John Studd defeats Doug Williams

BRACKET XXXVIII, Second Round (Matches 509-512):

"Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner defeats Larry "The Ax" Hennig
"Mr." Ken Anderson defeats Pat Tanaka
Gary Wolfe (Pit Bull 1) defeats Kato (aka Paul Diamond)
Mark Briscoe defeats Brian Knobs

BRACKET XXXIX, Second Round (Matches 513-516):

Magnum T.A. defeats Al Snow
Stu Hart defeats X-Pac
Val Venis defeats Anthony Durante (Pit Bull 2)
Fritz Von Erich defeats Sgt. Slaughter

BRACKET XL, Second Round (Macthes 517-520):

Bob Backlund defeats The Sheik (Ed Farhat)
Ultimo Dragon defeats Tyson Kidd
Crush (aka Brian Adams) defeats Corporal Kirchner
Bronko Nagurski defeats Chief Jay Strongbow

BRACKET XLI, Second Round (Matches 521-524):

Mick Foley defeats Tatanka (Buffalo)
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat defeats The Sandman
Wilbur Snyder defeats Hakushi
Frank Gotch defeats The Great Muta

BRACKET XLII, Second Round (Matches 525-528):

Hulk Hogan defeats Antonino Rocca
Sid Vicious defeats Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Ken Shamrock defeats Ahmed Johnson
John Cena defeats Pedro Morales

BRACKET XLIII, Second Round (Matches 529-532):

Michael Elgin defeats Genki Horiguchi
Christian defeats Michael Bennett
Lex Luger defeats Greg Gagne
Giant Gonzales defeats Dino Bravo

BRACKET XLIV, Second Round (Matches 533-536):

Shawn Michaels defeats Fandango
Curtis Axel defeats Yoshi Tatsu
Shelton Benjamin defeats Happy Humphrey (with a lil' help from his Mama)
D'Lo Brown defeats Les Thornton

BRACKET XLV, Second Round (Matches 537-540):

"Ravishing" Rick Rude defeats Matt Morgan
Adam Cole defeats Jake Gymini
Magnus defeats Rhett Titus
Ole Anderson defeats The Brooklyn Brawler

And there you have it.  Third round starts TOMORROW!!!

Friday, April 18, 2014

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets XXI and XXII, Second Round (Matches 441-448)

BRACKET XXI:


 

"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff VS Daniel Puder

Even without his current Mustache of Power, Mr. Wonderful's got this.


 

Bull Buchanan VS Hernandez

The Battle of The Bald Brutes!  Hernandez is way more awesome than workman Bull.  SuperMex FTW.


 

Umaga VS Jerry Lynn

Jerry Lynn is a fantastic talent, but there is no way, without outside interference, he could be booked to beat Umaga.  The Samoan Bulldozer advances.


 

Andre The Giant VS Rick Steiner

This would be fun to watch, since Rick has some power in his game, but Andre is too much for almost any man who ever got in the ring with him.  The Giant moves on.



BRACKET XXII:


 

Pat O'Connor VS Chris Sabin

O'Connor could tie this guy up in pretzels, token TNA Title win or not.




The Berzerker VS Lash LeRoux

Lash is toast.  HUSS!!!!  HUSS!!!  (Berzerker advances.)


 

Gene Kiniski VS Xavier Woods (aka Consequenses Creed)

The percentage likelyhood Mr. Kiniski wins?  IT'S OVER 9000!!!


 

Rob Terry VS "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig

Mr. Perfect is more than enough of a match for the British Gasball.  PerfectPlex and a smirk, then Hennig reveals he was still chewing gum the whole match and does that thing where he spits it out and bats it away in mid free fall.


RECAP:

Paul Orndorff defeats Daniel Puder
Hernandez defeats Bull Buchanan
Umaga defeats Jerry Lynn
Andre The Giant defeats Rick Steiner
Pat O'Connor defeats Chris Sabin
The Berzerker defeats Lash LeRoux
Gene Kiniski defeats Xavier Woods
Mr. Perfect defeats Rob Terry

Come on back next week!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets XIX and XX (Matches 433-440)

BRACKET XIX, Second Round (Matches 433-436):


 

The Godfather VS Edouard Carpentier

The Godfather tries to bribe Carpentier with Ho's.  Carpentier pretends to accept, then schoolboy's Godfather for the quick pin.  That's the quick-thinking of a former NWA World Champion.


 

Dakota Darsow VS The Undertaker

From Smash's sperm to smashed and spurned.  The bell tolls for Darsow.




Raven VS Rene Dupree

Raven will get you and your little dog too, French Tickler.




 Kanyon VS Spike Dudley

Who better than Kanyon?  Not Spike Dudley.  Kanyon was almost on DDP's level, so let's go with that.


BRACKET XX, Second Round (Matches 437-440):


 

Brodus Clay VS Whipper Billy Watson

The Whipper whips Barney The Jobber Dinosaur easily.




Nova (aka Simon Dean) VS Vic Grimes

Nova's not takin' no brain damage from Vic Grimes (ask New Jack about it if he remembers).  Super Dude for the win.


 

Abyss VS Randy Orton

If Randy Orton can beat Kane, he can DAMN sure beat TNA's muppet clone of him.
 

 

Jeff Hardy VS Vladimir Kozlov

These two were supposed to be in a Triple Threat match with Triple H at Survivor Series 2008, but because of an ill-conceived bait-and-switch, we wound up with perhaps the worst WWE Title Match of all time where Kozlov and H bored the audience to death.  A lot of people thought this was Hardy's night to finally win the Title, but whatever.  Enough of me blabbin'; we all know Hardy wins.


RECAP:

Edouard Carpentier defeats The Godfather
The Undertaker defeats Dakota Darsow
Raven defeats Rene Dupree
Kanyon defeats Spike Dudley
Whipper Billy Watson defeats Brodus Clay
Nova defeats Simon Dean
Randy Orton defeats Abyss
Jeff Hardy defeats Vladimir Kozlov

Come on back for Brackets XXI and XXII!