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WHAT THE HELL IS A BLOG? - iTunes Music Reviews, April 2018

Being that it's been more than a year since I've attempted one of these and iTunes is gonna stop selling mp3's next year, this is probably my next to last chance to do this sort of thing.  I started doing hot take reviews of albums based off nothing but 30 second iTunes previews in 2007, and if I'd been smart, I'd've transitioned to YouTube with them in about 2009.  I didn't, so here we are.  If reading a slightly older gentleman trying to temper his apathy and vexation at modern pop music and give it a fair shake (or trying to be funny when shitting on things that he can't resist shitting on) is your jam, step up to the dance floor!

Scoring system goes from 0 stars (sometimes negative if it goes the extra mile of horrible) to five stars (which has happened three times in 11 years of doing this, and I'd take every one of them back because that's the thing with hot takes).  Here we go!

Cardi B "Invasion Of Privacy" ❂ & 1/2
(or ❂❂, dep…
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WHO WINS AT WRESTLEMANS?!?!? Wrestlemania IV VS Wrestlemania 34 (Rounds 2 through 5)

Read Part One Here

Roman Reigns VS Daniel Bryan
Andre standing on Reigns's head plays into the psychology, as Bryan has a lot of attacks that go at the head in his arsenal.  So Reigns will act groggy at points, it will ultimately help him save face, as Daniel Bryan takes him out after a barn-burner similar to their Fastlane 2015 encounter but with the opposite result.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

Brock Lesnar VS The Undertaker
They beat the fuck out of each other all over the building until the refs have no choice but to throw it out.

Double countout.

AJ Styles VS John Cena
The match these two would have had at like Extreme Rules 2017 as a rematch from the Rumble or something.  You know how these two roll; they had a trilogy of amazing matches, AJ won two of the three, and I think he goes over here as well.

Winner: AJ Styles

Shinsuke Nakamura VS Andre The Giant
Andre's looking tired, and he's definitely feeling the force of Nakamura's kicks, even falling out of the ring aft…

WHO IS CHAMPION OF WRESTLEMANS?!?!? Wrestlemania IV VS Wrestlemania 34

Welcome to this crazy, ridiculous idea.  So, I've done current Wrestlemania cards VS old Wrestlemania cards before, but this one is different.  Wrestlemania IV was dominated by a one night tournament for the vacant WWF title (the only time Vacant got to main event Mania!).  It had a handful of other matches, but it was mostly about the fourteen man tournament for the belt.  So we're gonna do a 32-man tournament for the crown of Wrestlemania Champion!

Here's how it shakes out: I picked sixteen wrestlers from Wrestlemania 34 (one of which isn't official, but they've teased Undertaker so goddam hard I would be forgiven if it turns out to be an elaborate swerve) and sixteen from Wrestlemania IV.  I had to include the participants of the Intercontinental Title match from that one as well, since the tournament only had 14 wrestlers.  (Hogan & Andre got a first round bye and it was a whole thing.)  For this year, I picked the participants from the WWE and Universal t…

College was weird...

From my college notebook, presented without context (cuz I don't remember):
11/11/14 JAMS 562
1. A song? A blog post? Does creativity even count? 2. Nothing ever 3. Magic cards Outrageous amounts of meat 4. Right Goddam NOW 5. Hell if I know


I did it.

I'm creating things again.

And I'm hungry for more.

The timing obviously stinks, since this list is six weeks too late.  But I did it, and the review for number one is the best review I've ever written.  I did the work and it proves to me that I'm still capable of doing the work.  I want to make it.  I want to be alive.  And I want to share that shit with every motherfucker I can get my voice to.  Whether what I have to say is any good?  That's up to you.  But this is the year I will finally be heard.  And this is the first step.

On to the albums:

The list this year was split into two parts, because a) I was worried no one would want to hear more than 80 minutes of monologue, even with musical backing and a few audio surprises to help illustrate points and b) By January 16th, all I had was the first 24 entries.  After that, I decided to script them, and part two gets better as a result.  Besides, there wasn't a whole lot to talk about with some of the…

THE TOP 20 SONGS OF 2017 (Updated)

Here it is: My favorite songs of 2017.  This podcast won't be up forever so listen while you can before I end up putting something else up on Soundcloud (with its 3 hour limit ass).  [BLOGGER'S NOTE: The Top Albums podcast was longer than I anticipated, so it's already down.  Sorry.  Instead, I've linked to the songs below.]  I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labor.  This year has been better than quite a few in recent memory, which took me by surprise.  Music is pretty sweet if you know where to look.

20. "Gucci" Qveen Herby
19. "Learn To Let Go" Kesha
18. "New York" St. Vincent
17. "Praying" Kesha
16. "Avalanche Alley" The New Pornographers
15. "Automaton" Robotaki
14. "Dreams" Beck
13. "Them Changes" Thundercat
12. "Woman" Kesha
11. "Rainbow" Kesha
10. "Automaton" Jamiroquai
9. "Constellations" Grant & Jessi Mason
8. "Wow Wow" Neil Cicierega
7. &qu…


This has certainly been a heck of a thing.

Writing this started out as a labor of love to a subgenre of rock and roll that came along at the perfect time for me (both when I was entering middle school in the bottom 5 of the popularity pecking order and when I started buying albums at the impressionable age of 11).  It obviously took a long time to put together: August 29th, 2016 is when I began planning, May 24th is when I wrote the last entry, the wee hours of August 1st, 2017 is when I finished proofreading and uploading the entries to the blog with video links, and here I am typing these words on August 15th.

The elephant in the room is this genre seems to be built on death.  Three of the four frontmen of these bands are dead, one of which occurred during the run of this series.  (Shouts to Alice In Chains bassist Mike Starr as well.  R.I.P.)  On top of that, Pearl Jam only exists because the lead singer of Mother Love Bone died, causing that band to break up.  If you go down the nex…