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Showing posts from March, 2011

52 - Chicken. Eggos. Gangsta. (4/23/10)

We're going to do things different this week. We're gonna take a look at the albums in my "New Music" folder (with one exception at the end). The way I do things, since I end up with so much new shit all the time, is I make a "new music folder", throw everything in there, and every three months burn it to MP3 disc for the car, and sort everything into the appropriate alphabetical folders. Since April 7th, I've gotten over a gig of new music, so I figured: "Hey, plenty of blog material."

So away we go:

(As always, 0-5 star * rating system):

Asher Roth "The Greenhouse Effect" (Mixtape) (2008) ***
Not quite as good as his album, but a good lead-up to it.

Ghost Riders In The Sky (The Torrent) **
This was a bizarre torrent I came across when I was looking for something else. So, being the way I am, I downloaded it. It's 100 different versions of the song "Ghost Riders In The Sky" (98, actually, but needless to say, a lot). …

51 - Lip Smackin' With Colonel Angus (4/8/10)

Hey, Nick Nutter back to rock your south mouth with some flavor. While you’re waiting for me to put this strawberry-watermelon condom on, here’s some flavor for your ears...

Slash **
The best I can say about this album is that it’s real rock. It doesn’t go the soulless faux-rock (or fail-rock) route that bands like Def Leppard and Lenny Kravitz have employed in recent years. The songs actually rock. Unfortunately, they’re incredibly run of the mill, and much like “Chinese Democracy”, this album would have mattered if only it had been released in 1997.


John Butler Trio “April Uprising” ***
Based on the sample for the lead-off “Revolution”, I was ready to skip reviewing this one, since it sounded like it was going to be an epic shoegazing wuss-fest. But then the next song sounded like a 180, the third song “C’mon Now” made me sit up and take notice, and the chorus of track 4 kept it. “April Uprising” is filed under ‘alternative’, and deserves it. I hear a song that sounds like a soaring …

50 - 30 Seconds, 3/29/10 Edition

Yes indeed. It’s time for another slew of iTunes reviews. So open up so I can sling ‘em in your...um...web browser. Here we go:

Justin Bieber “My World 2.0”
Really, this just speaks for itself. There are no subtleties, no unique characteristics, nothing I can form a witty retort to. This is just banal. It’s designer music to make 13 year old girls cream. (Which is ironic, given that Bieber recently hit on 80 year old Barbara Walters (that chick from The View who once upon three decades ago people thought was a journalist). The ultimate May/December romance, no? (That’d be fucked up. The View gets canceled because Barbara goes to jail for statutory? HA! I KNEW I could pull a rabbit out of a hole in this wall of bleh!))

The Bird And The Bee “Interpreting The Masters Volume 1 – A Tribute To Daryl Hall And John Oates”
I shit you not. Hipster alt covers of Hall & Oates. No sense of irony or sarcasm. It just...IS.

Monica “Still Standing”
Always been more boring than her cousin Ludacris…

49 - Yah, Num Nums. Es Bloggen Guten. (3/11/10)

Hey, how’s it goin’? This Nick Nutter; it’s time for “30 Seconds”. Ya kno d’steez.

The ratings system is 0-5 with asterisks. If it goes out of its way to suck like the movie “Bitch Slap”, I’ll drop a negative on it.

Here we go:

Almost Alice (Music Inspired By The Motion Picture “Alice In Wonderland”) * and 1/2
Well, let’s see. A “Dance Version” of an Avril Levine song that sounds more like it belongs in the movie score than in a club, an “Instrumental Version” of an Owl City song where the first thing I hear is singing, Shinedown officially becoming a parody of their already craptastic selves, moaning speculations as to “where my angel is”, a song about being strange (and one has to assume an outsider), everything in majorly minor keys, heaping gobs of eye shadow, a Robert Smith song...

Wait a minute...

(gasp!) This is it!

This is the MOST EMO ALBUM EVER!

We did it, guys! We quantified emo! Instead of being a loosely defined fashion-driven scene, now there’s a clear musical f…

48 - 1997: The Year Of Failed Experiments (2/23/10)

1997 was a rebuilding year for music. Even the good albums find the artists a little bit lost. Everybody is either trying five years too late to play "alternative", or be the first ones to do the "next big thing" (which ended up being boy bands and rap metal, for you history buffs out there). Ironically enough, this lost, down period (which featured albums by neither of those bands (ba dum bum)) reflected my mindset at the time, being smack dab in the middle of puberty AND the beginning of High School. (God, I'm old.) Listening to the music for this list, I unearthed quite a few gems. I forgot how good some of this shit was. And also, amidst artists trying "something different", whether it be Dream Theater trying at the behest of Elektra to be more commercial or Paradise Lost's attempt to skin Depeche Mode and walk around with their faces on, there were a few experiments that worked. But in the end, any list where "Reload" can get near …

47 - Lick MY Love Pump (2/16/10)

Well, this is my fallback idea for a blog, since the 1997 Countdown I’ve been working on is taking forever. I’ve got the machete ready fo mo hackin’ at these hacks. So let’s get straight to it.

Ratings are from 0-5 Stars ( ) (*) (**) (***) (****) (*****). Or, if it goes above and beyond the call of duty to be terrible, I’ll hand out a negative rating. (Though I try not to.)

Team USA (Official Soundtrack) (?!?) *
We’re supposed to INSPIRE our athletes, not make them want to defect. (Seriously? A ballad by Puddle Of Mudd? Seriously?)

Usher “There Goes My Baby” (single)
Like someone put T-Pain, that one song Ludacris rapped on about six years ago with the “Ah-ahWOO-ooh ooh” slow R&B shit on it and a dash of “Kiss From A Rose” in a blender with a 5th of Generic sauce and let it go for about 15 minutes, tasted a little bit of it then threw it in back of the freezer for the new tenants to dispose of as they unplugged the blender, packed their shit and got the fuck up out of there. (App…

46 - Did You Just Pull A Mounds Bar Out Of Your Backpack? Fuck Yeah, I Did: Some Shows I've Seen Recently (2/3/10)

A week ago last Sunday, I somehow got roped into seeing Theory Of A Deadman. I could've easily backed out; I mean, the NFC Championship was on, and I wanted to see Farve and his purple pussies get FUCKED by some jail dick, but did I sit there and watch football like I planned? NO. I decided at the last minute to go see the rock show, on the basis of:

a) I was pretty footballed out after the Jets-Colts game, and
b) Adelita's Way had at least one song I liked.

So I went to the concert on these flimsy premisi. And it was okay. (Plus Dianne kept texting her boyfriend (who bailed on the show to watch the game) for the scores all night.) Taking Dawn were tolerable, but their 80's schlock would have sucked had they played longer than 20 minutes. Adelita's Way were all right, as I'd speculated, until they played a nu-metal power ballad. That made me tune out until they closed their set with "Invincible" (their single, and the theme to WWE Superstars; yes, I'm…

45 - Correction: Vampire Weekend Don't Suck (As Bad) After All (1/26/10)

I reviewed Vampire Weekend's "Contra" last week, and, though I stand by my rating (especially since snap judgements are a requirement), I feel it necessary to point out that their song and video for "Cousins" don't suck in the least. As a song, it's a decent, energetic romp with surf guitars and a...ticklish sense of fun, for lack of a better term. The video? In the words of Carl "Frickin' Awesome". Check it out below:

44 - Monkey Banana Raffle (1/19/10)

MONKEY BANANA RAFFLE (Because that phrase should be used more often.)
Hello, and welcome to my first blog of the year. I've been slacking a little bit, but now that I've given the world of music two whole weeks to give me fuel for ridicule, it's time to shit on some fools.

Basically the scenario is I listen to 30 second sound samples of new releases (and sometimes old ones) on iTunes, and make snap judgments based solely on what I heard. (This is where my weird/maybe humorous side comes out.) Based on this weeks blog title, I've decided to select six words or phrases at random (thnx Google; kinda) and judge them to determine my 0 to 5 ratings scale. (In the past, I've used wrestlers, food, movies, bodily functions, metaphysics, baseball metaphors, and a few other things.) Remember: Total stream of consciousness. So here we go:

0 Stars (denoted by a lack of stars next to the album title): Simon Cowell and The Horse He Rode In On (should so be a hardcore punk song)