Music Reviews, April 23, 2024
We have seven new albums on the docket today, so let’s get to it!
Taylor Swift “The Tortured Poets Department”
I can’t tell if the length helped or hurt this project. I know that seems weird, but the sheer volume does dull the blow of disappointment. If you took the ten best tracks and made a sane album, the flaws would be more apparent because you’d be able to replay it more readily. Instead of having to block out two whole hours, you could hear 35 to 40 minutes a few times, turn it over in your head and realize right away that it sucks. This at least gives you the task of trying to find diamonds in the rough.
I’m not a dyed in the wool Swiftie, but I’m certainly no hater. I thought Folklore and Midnights were both pretty good (Evermore had its moments as well), and was looking forward to this. But I feel like the “poetry” is at the expense of lyrics or music (especially the latter, because, good God). The floor on this album is a 3 out of 10 but the ceiling is 6.5, and very rarely do either happen.
The vibe vacillates between Richad Marx Major C piano ballads and diet Lana Del Rey. I had taken three pages of notes about the songs, but going back through them in brief, I realized all 31 of them are too indistinguishable from one another to warrant a track-by-track breakdown. Even the ones I took notice of on first listen felt more like wallpaper the second time around.
Weirdly The Tortured Poets Department reminds me of Drake’s For All The Dogs. It’s not as bad (I don’t think it’s possible for Taylor to drop an album that bad) but it has some of the same earmarks: slow, dirgy pace, disenchantment at the top of the world, naval gazing, not very fun, and punishing in length (and don’t forget a few lines that are quotable for the wrong reasons). This will not make my Bottom 10, but it leaves me no choice but to say a resounding “Meh”.
Lil White Bitch “Crack Up At The Funeral”
AMV music to a vewn montage. The vibe is nocturnal and outer space-y, but in the way a 17 year old with no car imagines these things. When under the streetlight is the mouth of a wormhole. It has the magic you feel when you’re that kid, tempered with the reality it smacks up against when you’re awake the next day. The second best project I’ve heard all year so far.
Marcus King “Mood Swings”
Grammy-bait John Mayer-ass lofi blues to flunk out of rehab to.
Alice Merton “Heron”
Alice Merton’s floor and ceiling seem to be really close together, which is a shame. Her floor is certainly above average, but her ceiling seems to be pretty good. And this EP is the best project she’s ever put out, but I hesitate to recommend it because the music is lacking in distinguishing characteristics. It’s well made, I enjoy listening to it, but even someone like me that has a phonographic memory and gets songs stuck in their head for weeks at a time can’t remember a thing about any of the songs after listening to it. I guess it’s a damn fine pallet cleanser, because its an enjoyable, refreshing listen (and quick at 15 minutes), but doesn’t take up any mental real estate. Have it on standby for mental mouthwash.
Pearl Jam “Dark Matter”
SPEAKING of antiseptic, how ‘bout the slow songs on this album, eh? I know most people heard the butt rock of the lead off single title track and said “Nope”, but I come from that shit, so I’m not too good for it when it’s done well. That song’s been stuck in my head for two months off and on, so it did something right. And it’s cool to hear Eddie Vedder scream again on this album; it’s really like he turned back the clock 25 years or so. But MAN is there a heap of lifeless mush stuffing up Dark Matter’s cracks. If you didn’t like the title track, you’re really gonna hate the rest, but if you did enjoy it, there’s at least four or five burners like it, plus two actually not so bad slow songs to finish. As far as quality level, I’d put this right below the self-titled (2006; avocado). (That one doesn’t hold up as much as you’d want it to, but has its moments.)
NOFX “Half Album”
NOFX has finally gotten back to the quality level of their compilation material, so that’s something. If this is their last hoorah, they could certainly have done worse. (Just look at their last several projects.)
Cadence Weapon “ROLLERCOASTER”
The beat for “My Computer” had me bobbing my head so hard I was shaking the whole bed. The lyrics on ROLLERCOASTER aren’t great, but the beats are unique enough to bolster the swagger Cadence Weapon otherwise wouldn’t earn with their delivery. It’s different enough to be worth a listen.
That’ll do it for this go ‘round. Come back next time to see what new giant release tickles my fancy or catches my ire.
One love.
Taylor Swift “The Tortured Poets Department”
I can’t tell if the length helped or hurt this project. I know that seems weird, but the sheer volume does dull the blow of disappointment. If you took the ten best tracks and made a sane album, the flaws would be more apparent because you’d be able to replay it more readily. Instead of having to block out two whole hours, you could hear 35 to 40 minutes a few times, turn it over in your head and realize right away that it sucks. This at least gives you the task of trying to find diamonds in the rough.
I’m not a dyed in the wool Swiftie, but I’m certainly no hater. I thought Folklore and Midnights were both pretty good (Evermore had its moments as well), and was looking forward to this. But I feel like the “poetry” is at the expense of lyrics or music (especially the latter, because, good God). The floor on this album is a 3 out of 10 but the ceiling is 6.5, and very rarely do either happen.
The vibe vacillates between Richad Marx Major C piano ballads and diet Lana Del Rey. I had taken three pages of notes about the songs, but going back through them in brief, I realized all 31 of them are too indistinguishable from one another to warrant a track-by-track breakdown. Even the ones I took notice of on first listen felt more like wallpaper the second time around.
Weirdly The Tortured Poets Department reminds me of Drake’s For All The Dogs. It’s not as bad (I don’t think it’s possible for Taylor to drop an album that bad) but it has some of the same earmarks: slow, dirgy pace, disenchantment at the top of the world, naval gazing, not very fun, and punishing in length (and don’t forget a few lines that are quotable for the wrong reasons). This will not make my Bottom 10, but it leaves me no choice but to say a resounding “Meh”.
Lil White Bitch “Crack Up At The Funeral”
AMV music to a vewn montage. The vibe is nocturnal and outer space-y, but in the way a 17 year old with no car imagines these things. When under the streetlight is the mouth of a wormhole. It has the magic you feel when you’re that kid, tempered with the reality it smacks up against when you’re awake the next day. The second best project I’ve heard all year so far.
Marcus King “Mood Swings”
Grammy-bait John Mayer-ass lofi blues to flunk out of rehab to.
Alice Merton “Heron”
Alice Merton’s floor and ceiling seem to be really close together, which is a shame. Her floor is certainly above average, but her ceiling seems to be pretty good. And this EP is the best project she’s ever put out, but I hesitate to recommend it because the music is lacking in distinguishing characteristics. It’s well made, I enjoy listening to it, but even someone like me that has a phonographic memory and gets songs stuck in their head for weeks at a time can’t remember a thing about any of the songs after listening to it. I guess it’s a damn fine pallet cleanser, because its an enjoyable, refreshing listen (and quick at 15 minutes), but doesn’t take up any mental real estate. Have it on standby for mental mouthwash.
Pearl Jam “Dark Matter”
SPEAKING of antiseptic, how ‘bout the slow songs on this album, eh? I know most people heard the butt rock of the lead off single title track and said “Nope”, but I come from that shit, so I’m not too good for it when it’s done well. That song’s been stuck in my head for two months off and on, so it did something right. And it’s cool to hear Eddie Vedder scream again on this album; it’s really like he turned back the clock 25 years or so. But MAN is there a heap of lifeless mush stuffing up Dark Matter’s cracks. If you didn’t like the title track, you’re really gonna hate the rest, but if you did enjoy it, there’s at least four or five burners like it, plus two actually not so bad slow songs to finish. As far as quality level, I’d put this right below the self-titled (2006; avocado). (That one doesn’t hold up as much as you’d want it to, but has its moments.)
NOFX “Half Album”
NOFX has finally gotten back to the quality level of their compilation material, so that’s something. If this is their last hoorah, they could certainly have done worse. (Just look at their last several projects.)
Cadence Weapon “ROLLERCOASTER”
The beat for “My Computer” had me bobbing my head so hard I was shaking the whole bed. The lyrics on ROLLERCOASTER aren’t great, but the beats are unique enough to bolster the swagger Cadence Weapon otherwise wouldn’t earn with their delivery. It’s different enough to be worth a listen.
That’ll do it for this go ‘round. Come back next time to see what new giant release tickles my fancy or catches my ire.
One love.
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