Skip to main content

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Bracket XXXIX (Matches 305-312)

 

Tiger Ali Singh VS Al Snow

Al Snow was a linchpin of the Attitude-Era Hardcore division, and continues to be a decent hand in the ring, even at 50.  Nobody remembers Tiger Ali Singh, despite being in the WWF at the same time Al Snow was doing all types of awesome shit.  Al Snow wins.


 

Gangrel VS Magnum T.A.

Magnum T.A. is a guy who a lot of people point to (especially in the South) as "One of the best to never win the World title".  I think that's more than enough to get over a glorified manager/wrestler/vampire.


 

Tank Abbot VS X-Pac

Yes, in a real fight, Tank Abbot murders Shawn Waltman (and probably 85% of the human beings on the planet).  But this is wrestling, where brains, quickness and cunning can outdo pure slaughterpower.  And really, can you picture Tank Abbot going over X-Pac?  Not really.  (Not even if he "threatened to fucking cut me".)


 

The Fake Razor Ramon (Rick Bognar) VS Stu Hart

Ummm...Stu.  In two.


 

Anthony Durante (aka Pit Bull #2) VS Tom Brandi (aka Salvatore Sincere)

Pit Bull #2.  Gets the duke.


 

Orlando Jordan VS Val Venis

The three wrestling memories that stand out the most when I think of Orlando Jordan are: 1) Losing to Chris Benoit at SummerSlam '05, then having Benoit replay the match while in the corner of the screen he barely finished making himself a cup of coffee before the clip was over, 2) Losing to The Ultimate Warrior in Spain in Warrior's first match in ten years, during which his opponent looked like the drizzlin' shits, and 3) Wearing nothing but a toga made of caution tape and pouring milky white stuff on himself.  In spite of all this, I think Jordan had more potential than Val Venis (who has always bored me to death).  Unfortunately, Val would totally win this shit.  I can't really argue, given the track records.


 

Don Harris VS Fritz Von Erich

Even a tall man falls to the claw, man.  Fritz.


 

Lance Cade VS Sgt. Slaughter

Is Sgt. Slaughter gonna hafta choke a bitch?  Yes.  Yes he is.


RECAP:

Al Snow defeats Tiger Ali Singh
Magnum T.A. defeats Gangrel
X-Pac defeats Tank Abbot
Stu Hart defeats X-Pac
Anthony Durante defeats Tom Brandi
Val Venis defeats Orlando Jordan
Fritz Von Erich defeats Don Harris
Sgt. Slaughter defeats Lance Cade

Come on back Monday for Bracket XL!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

THE GRUNGE MATCH - Conclusion

This has certainly been a heck of a thing.

Writing this started out as a labor of love to a subgenre of rock and roll that came along at the perfect time for me (both when I was entering middle school in the bottom 5 of the popularity pecking order and when I started buying albums at the impressionable age of 11).  It obviously took a long time to put together: August 29th, 2016 is when I began planning, May 24th is when I wrote the last entry, the wee hours of August 1st, 2017 is when I finished proofreading and uploading the entries to the blog with video links, and here I am typing these words on August 15th.

The elephant in the room is this genre seems to be built on death.  Three of the four frontmen of these bands are dead, one of which occurred during the run of this series.  (Shouts to Alice In Chains bassist Mike Starr as well.  R.I.P.)  On top of that, Pearl Jam only exists because the lead singer of Mother Love Bone died, causing that band to break up.  If you go down the nex…

WHAT THE HELL IS A BLOG? - iTunes Music Reviews, April 2018

Being that it's been more than a year since I've attempted one of these and iTunes is gonna stop selling mp3's next year, this is probably my next to last chance to do this sort of thing.  I started doing hot take reviews of albums based off nothing but 30 second iTunes previews in 2007, and if I'd been smart, I'd've transitioned to YouTube with them in about 2009.  I didn't, so here we are.  If reading a slightly older gentleman trying to temper his apathy and vexation at modern pop music and give it a fair shake (or trying to be funny when shitting on things that he can't resist shitting on) is your jam, step up to the dance floor!

Scoring system goes from 0 stars (sometimes negative if it goes the extra mile of horrible) to five stars (which has happened three times in 11 years of doing this, and I'd take every one of them back because that's the thing with hot takes).  Here we go!


Cardi B "Invasion Of Privacy" ❂ & 1/2
(or ❂❂, dep…

WHO IS CHAMPION OF WRESTLEMANS?!?!? Wrestlemania IV VS Wrestlemania 34

Welcome to this crazy, ridiculous idea.  So, I've done current Wrestlemania cards VS old Wrestlemania cards before, but this one is different.  Wrestlemania IV was dominated by a one night tournament for the vacant WWF title (the only time Vacant got to main event Mania!).  It had a handful of other matches, but it was mostly about the fourteen man tournament for the belt.  So we're gonna do a 32-man tournament for the crown of Wrestlemania Champion!

Here's how it shakes out: I picked sixteen wrestlers from Wrestlemania 34 (one of which isn't official, but they've teased Undertaker so goddam hard I would be forgiven if it turns out to be an elaborate swerve) and sixteen from Wrestlemania IV.  I had to include the participants of the Intercontinental Title match from that one as well, since the tournament only had 14 wrestlers.  (Hogan & Andre got a first round bye and it was a whole thing.)  For this year, I picked the participants from the WWE and Universal t…