Skip to main content

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Bracket XXXIX (Matches 305-312)

 

Tiger Ali Singh VS Al Snow

Al Snow was a linchpin of the Attitude-Era Hardcore division, and continues to be a decent hand in the ring, even at 50.  Nobody remembers Tiger Ali Singh, despite being in the WWF at the same time Al Snow was doing all types of awesome shit.  Al Snow wins.


 

Gangrel VS Magnum T.A.

Magnum T.A. is a guy who a lot of people point to (especially in the South) as "One of the best to never win the World title".  I think that's more than enough to get over a glorified manager/wrestler/vampire.


 

Tank Abbot VS X-Pac

Yes, in a real fight, Tank Abbot murders Shawn Waltman (and probably 85% of the human beings on the planet).  But this is wrestling, where brains, quickness and cunning can outdo pure slaughterpower.  And really, can you picture Tank Abbot going over X-Pac?  Not really.  (Not even if he "threatened to fucking cut me".)


 

The Fake Razor Ramon (Rick Bognar) VS Stu Hart

Ummm...Stu.  In two.


 

Anthony Durante (aka Pit Bull #2) VS Tom Brandi (aka Salvatore Sincere)

Pit Bull #2.  Gets the duke.


 

Orlando Jordan VS Val Venis

The three wrestling memories that stand out the most when I think of Orlando Jordan are: 1) Losing to Chris Benoit at SummerSlam '05, then having Benoit replay the match while in the corner of the screen he barely finished making himself a cup of coffee before the clip was over, 2) Losing to The Ultimate Warrior in Spain in Warrior's first match in ten years, during which his opponent looked like the drizzlin' shits, and 3) Wearing nothing but a toga made of caution tape and pouring milky white stuff on himself.  In spite of all this, I think Jordan had more potential than Val Venis (who has always bored me to death).  Unfortunately, Val would totally win this shit.  I can't really argue, given the track records.


 

Don Harris VS Fritz Von Erich

Even a tall man falls to the claw, man.  Fritz.


 

Lance Cade VS Sgt. Slaughter

Is Sgt. Slaughter gonna hafta choke a bitch?  Yes.  Yes he is.


RECAP:

Al Snow defeats Tiger Ali Singh
Magnum T.A. defeats Gangrel
X-Pac defeats Tank Abbot
Stu Hart defeats X-Pac
Anthony Durante defeats Tom Brandi
Val Venis defeats Orlando Jordan
Fritz Von Erich defeats Don Harris
Sgt. Slaughter defeats Lance Cade

Come on back Monday for Bracket XL!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Update Wrap-Up

Well, The Big Four Song Challenge Series Update has drawn to a close, and here we are in the aftermath.  Metallica edged out Megadeth on the strength of bonus material, Anthrax did okay and Slayer should have broken up when Jeff Hanneman died.  For real, all coming back with another album did for them was...well, make them money and allow them to keep touring and making more money, so there's that.  But more importantly, by releasing "Repentless", they dropped from two to three on my completely arbitrary opinion based blog series status ranking system!  Surely, that can't have been worth a couple million bucks?

Anyhow, I'm getting the feeling that rock music in general is going to need to evolve into something completely different or call it quits altogether.  Rock has had its 60 year run just like jazz did before it, and if it doesn't come up with something soon, it will fade away from the public consciousness, only to return in Gap commercials in the 2040…

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Matchup 172

Anthrax "Impaled" (2016) VS Megadeth "Dystopia" (2016) VS Metallica "Atlas, Rise!" (2016) VS Slayer "Jihad" (Live from Sofia, Bulgaria) (2010)

Unfortunately, Anthrax drew the short straw here, as "Impaled" is a middling intro that, on top of being a bit of a non-song, goes on a hair too long for its own good.

"Dystopia" is a solid, upbeat fist-pumper that was a no-brainer to make the first single off the album of the same name.  It may seem a little milquetoast for the first half, but once the "single" part falls away, it reveals a banger in the back half that makes you remember why you like this stuff in the first place.  It'll take more than one listen to realize how cool this song is, but on play two or three you'll be nodding your head with a pleased scowl on your face.

My first impression of "Atlas, Rise!" was "This is the most average Metallica song ever."  Like if you took all the Met…

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Matchup 178

Anthrax "Suzerain" (2016) VS Megadeth "Conquer Or Die!" (2016) VS Metallica "ManUNkind" (2016) VS Slayer "Cast The First Stone" (2015)

"Suzerain" is your pentennial reminder that Charlie Bennante don't fuck around.  Definitely the most fiery song on "For All Kings", and probably the closest to the old Anthrax as we're going to get ever again.  Bang your head in reflection.

"Conquer Or Die!" is more old school, though whether that works for or against it is up to you.  It's the three minute instrumental interlude.  This one is...fine.  Honestly, it's better than fine when compared to the song I have to review next, so I shan't complain too loudly.  But it is a song you wouldn't exactly miss if it fell off the face of the planet either.

"ManUNkind" was the point where I stopped giving "Hardwired...To Self-Destruct" the benefit of the doubt and started dreading the fact that I h…