Batista VS Kevin Steen
The internet's gonna be mad at me for this one. I love Kevin Steen; he's one of the only good things Ring Of Honor has left going for it, and his heel run was legendary. He has size, strength, agility, and can cut one hell of a promo. But the way I see it, he would come up just a little short against Batista. They'd have a damn near 20-minute all around ringside brawl type of a match with lotsa near falls, but unless Dave blows a quad, The Animal is going over with a Batista bomb.
Rikishi VS Low-Ki (aka Kaval)
Again, love Low-Ki. But he doesn't stand a chance against a superheavyweight like Rikishi. Kish also has some agility; don't get it twisted. Not as much as Low-Ki, but still. Enough to grab hold of him and squash the man who weighs as much as one of Fatu's legs.
"Golden Boy" Arnold Skaaland VS "The Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich
Arnold Skaaland is a Hall Of Fame manager, but as a wrestler, Kerry Von Erich has a much more impressive resume. This would be a fair five or six minute contest with Tornado coming out on top.
Dory Funk, Jr. VS Ron Simmons (aka Farooq)
Both men have held world title gold. The difference is Funk racked up the second longest consecutive title reign in NWA history. Ron Simmons may be the first black world champion (WCW, oddly enough, did something groundbreaking), but his title defenses were mostly rematches with Vader that ended in DQ (as far as I can remember). Dory Funk would wrap Ron Simmons up in the Cloverleaf (which he invented) and make him say "DAMN!". Then "Uncle!".
Larry Zbyszko VS Jack Swagger
Scarily enough, both of these men were World Champions once upon a time (Zbyszko (no relation to Stanislaus or Wladek) was the final AWA champion, in fact). However, this match is an easy choice: Jack Swagger has always been missing...something. Not just charisma, either. Something's just...off about that dude. Zbyszko feuded with Bruno Sammartino and Nick Bockwinkel and claims to have retired both (not true, but hey; kayfabe). "The Living Legend" for the win in a scientific snooze-fest.
Kofi Kingston VS The Dark Patriot
Kofi Kingston may be perpetually midcard at this point, but his moves are still hella impressive, he has a history of gold, and The Dark Patriot was just Eddie Gilbert's brother under a hood, brought in to feud with The Patriot in the GWF almost two years after the Black Scorpion angle from WCW. (At least they had magicians.) Kofi brings trouble to The Dark Patriot's dome, son.
Johnny Devine VS Golddust
Johnny Devine is a name I contemplated dropping from the tournament since I barely remember him, but instead he's first round fodder for the bizarre one. He'll play with this mouse for 4&1/2 minutes before bringing down the Curtain Call.
"Dr. Death" Steve Williams VS El Generico
Dude, El Generico has done some of the most impressive moves I've seen on this side of the millennium, but "Dr. Death" is a beast, son. If Generico couldn't beat Kevin Steen at the height of S.C.U.M., then he won't be able to escape the grasp of Mr. Williams. It's Oklahoma Stampede time after that, and out go the lights.
Batista defeats Kevin Steen
Rikishi defeats Low-Ki
"The Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich defeats "Golden Boy" Arnold Skaaland
Dory Funk Jr. defeats Ron Simmons
Larry Zbyszko defeats Jack Swagger
Kofi Kingston defeats The Dark Patriot
Goldust defeats Johnny Devine
"Dr. Death" Steve Williams defeats El Generico
Come on back tomorrow for bracket XIX!