Skip to main content

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Bracket XXVI (Matches 201-208)



Zack Gowen VS "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiassi

Zack Gowen was the literal one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.  He made his debut as an overzealous fan trying to stop Roddy Piper from beating up Hogan (in 2003), and Piper pulled off his fake leg during the incident.  Gowen went from there to have a few matches as a cruiserweight, and he was rather interesting to watch.  He held his own against smaller men, but then Brock Lesnar broke his leg against a ring post, so what the fuck dude?  Anyway, aside from Johnny Ace hiring the wrong one-legged wrestler (this was later corrected and we got what we got), there's not much else to tell.  Well, there is the fact that every bump he took looked sick as fuck because he was so wiry; must have had something to do with the missing leg.  The point I'm getting at is he's just gonna look all that much more like a rag doll when The Million Dollar Man slaps the Million Dollar Dream on him and whips him around until he's k.o.'ed.




Bushwhacker Luke VS Psychosis

Psychosis was one of the better luchadors in the glut of late 90's WCW performers, so I'll give 'em a chance to shine.  Luke is more of a tag team dude anyhow.




Dean Ambrose VS Kurrgan

The current U.S. Champion has already wrestled some larger gentlemen during his reign, and judging by what I've seen, he'd be able to handle the Oddity.




King Curtis Iaukea VS Sting

Moe Howard of The Three Stooges once proclaimed of Curtis Iaukea "That's not a man!  That's a committee!", but Sting is a Franchise.  The only truly big superstar that has never worked for Vince McMahon is one of two wrestlers in second place behind Ric Flair for most World Title Reigns of all time.  (He and John Cena both have 14; Flair 17 (at least how I count).)  You do the math, man.  Sting is going WAY deep in this tournament; he's one of the greatest of all time and at 53, he can still go.  (Where's that 'Mania match against 'Taker, bro?  MAKE IT HAPPEN!)




Alex Shelley VS Max Buck

This has happened in TNA before, and unless there were shenanigans, Shelley won in an aerial bombardment on the senses.  (Let's just say you'd be seeing "spots"!  (Ba-dum-bum.))




Hector Guerrero VS Domino (aka: The one that wasn't related to Superfly)

Hector Guerrero is Eddie's older brother who looks the most like him (Chavo Sr. & Mando don't have hair anymore, so far as I know).  Unfortunately his most famous role (read: infamous) was as The Gobblety Gooker, a character that hit the wrestling scene with a raw chicken thud at Survivor Series 1990.  To my knowledge, his only match as the Gooker was at Wrestlemania X-Seven in the Gimmick Battle Royal, which means he has as many Wrestlemania matches as Bruno Sammartino (and as many wins: 0).  A...oh yeah, he has an opponent here.  Nobody cares about Domino.  Thing is, Hector could go, as evidenced by his two or three matches in WCW when they had Lucha Fever.  So yeah, Hector all day.


http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4746047467161086&pid=1.7

Doug Basham VS Disco Inferno

Disco Fee-Vah!  Disco Fee-Vah!  Disco Fee-Vah!  Wins-this-match-yeah!




Dean Malenko VS 2 Cold Scorpio

This had to have happened in ECW circa 1995.  And it was probably awesome.  Malenko has the edge however, having been an early prototype for the Daniel Bryan-esque wrestler that could kick anybody's ass with technical wrestling no matter the size.  Just wish he'd been booked that way.  But whatever.  Scorpio was always cool (except for the Flash Funk years; ugh), but the Iceman will finish him off with one of his 1,000 holds.


RECAP:

"The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiassi defeats Zack Gowen
Psychosis defeats Bushwhacker Luke
Dean Ambrose defeats Kurrgan
Sting defeats King Iaukea
Alex Shelley defeats Max Buck
Hector Guerrero defeats Domino
Disco Inferno defeats Doug Basham
Dean Malenko defeats 2 Cold Scorpio

Come on back for bracket XXVII!


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

WHAT THE HELL IS A BLOG? - iTunes Music Reviews, April 2018

Being that it's been more than a year since I've attempted one of these and iTunes is gonna stop selling mp3's next year, this is probably my next to last chance to do this sort of thing.  I started doing hot take reviews of albums based off nothing but 30 second iTunes previews in 2007, and if I'd been smart, I'd've transitioned to YouTube with them in about 2009.  I didn't, so here we are.  If reading a slightly older gentleman trying to temper his apathy and vexation at modern pop music and give it a fair shake (or trying to be funny when shitting on things that he can't resist shitting on) is your jam, step up to the dance floor!

Scoring system goes from 0 stars (sometimes negative if it goes the extra mile of horrible) to five stars (which has happened three times in 11 years of doing this, and I'd take every one of them back because that's the thing with hot takes).  Here we go!


Cardi B "Invasion Of Privacy" ❂ & 1/2
(or ❂❂, dep…

MUSIC REVIEWS: Sophie, Hannah Diamond, The Brash Menagerie, Beach House & MC Lars

Hey, y'all.  Managed to cobble together some more opinions on the musics and such.  Let's see what listening to albums has done to my brain-to-word connectivity this week!

Ratings are like this:
0 Stars: Utter Shit
* Star: Had at least one redeeming thing about it, but definitely not my thing
** Stars: Meh.  Maybe a thing or two I liked, but definitely coulda been worse.
***: A Good Album.
****: A Great Album.
*****: Absolutely fucking incredible.  (Almost impossible to achieve.)


Sophie "Oil Of Every Pear's Un-Insides" *** and 1/4

Starts with a relaxing, reassuring song "It's Okay To Cry", which gets jarring out of nowhere at the end.  Which seemed needless, but then "Ponyboy" slams into the picture and I see what she was doing there: Dialating your sphincter for the unholy beating your asshole is about to endure.

This album is jagged; it's harsh; it's repellent; it's brutal; but most importantly: it's interesting.  It's…

Vinnie Paul Retrospective Part I: The 80's

Last month the world lost Vinnie Paul, the drummer from Pantera, Damageplan, Rebel Meets Rebel and Hellyeah.  I grew up listening the shit out of Pantera, so this one hit me.  It also made me a bit conflicted, since Pantera is on an ever-growing list of artists I don't listen to anymore for...reasons.  In this case, because of the actions of their singer Phil Anselmo, revealing himself to be a white supremacist piece of shit (which we probably should have seen coming, to be honest).

Point is, I haven't listened to anything with Anselmo on it for two and a half years now.  I keep his catalogue buried next to the dead legacies of Ted Nugent, Kanye West, Charlie Daniels and (worst of all) Lostprophets.  But Pantera has always felt...different.  On one hand, you could make the case that you shouldn't throw the whole band under the bus because the singer was a dick, but when the lyrics butt up against some of the reasons you stopped listening...it kind of makes it hard.  But si…