Skip to main content

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Bracket XXIX (Matches 225-232)



Bret "The Hitman" Hart VS "Mad Dog" Vachon

With all due respect to the recently erstwhile Maurice Vachon, Bret Hart didn't just give himself the nickname "The Best There Is, The Best There Was, And The Best There Ever Will Be" (well, yeah if you wanna get literal he probably did, but...).  He backed it up in the ring every night for more than 20 years.  Mad Dog is a Hall Of Famer and an icon in this sport, but Bret "The Hitman" Hart was one of the best of all time.  No way he's goin' down in the first round.  (I'm not gonna make a joke about how hard it would be to apply a sharpshooter on a man with a fake leg, either, because in his prime Mad Dog had both.)




Tony Atlas VS Vader

This would have been one hell of a match: Tony Atlas back in his "Mr. U.S.A." days, looking ready to bench press the world against Vader, the 400 pound mastodon from the Rocky Mountains who wasn't afraid to break people (and did; on accident, even, which haunts Leon White, the man behind the mask, to this day).  When you think about his feud with Ron Simmons, most people remember Ron Simmons beat Vader with a similar style and physique to Tony Atlas (though Tony had bigger guns back in the day).  What most fail to remember is how Vader flattened him in the rematches, took his title back, and made sure Simmons never saw the world title picture again in WCW (thought that was probably more a business decision).  So even though this would be the classic irresistible force meets immovable object battle, Vader had a bit of irresistible force of his own. (Dude could do a moonsault!)  IT'S...VADER...TIME!




Mustafa Saed VS Simon Diamond

This one's tough, because I got into ECW after The Gangstas broke up, but Mustapha Saed was New Jack's partner, so you know he's down to fuck (shit up).  Simon Diamond was a steady hand who had skills, but usually ran as the brains behind a three man operation.  This is so tough to call that I am literally (just this once) flipping a coin.  It comes up heads, which means Mustapha busts open Simon Diamond's head, and we have a winnah.  (And I can live with that.)  (And of course he did it during a ref bump.  Storyline, man.)




Barry Hardy VS "Gigolo" Jimmy Del Ray

...Del Rey in five.




Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart VS John Morrison

This is an interesting contrast of styles, because if Anvil catches Morrison, he could powerslam him in half.  But given that Morrison came a whisker from winning the WWE title a time or two, I think the dude's a little more resilient than all that.  An eight minute back and forth, but a breathless win for Morrison off a Starship Pain.




Nick Bockwinkel VS Kevin Greene

Kevin Greene (current offensive linebacker coach for the Green Bay Packers) wrestled on a few WCW PPV's in the mid-90's first teaming with then feuding against Steve "Mongo" McMichael (a man who inexplicably won the U.S. Title and became a FREAKING HORSEMAN).  But Nick Bockwinkel is one of the top 10 world champions in the last 60 years, probably top 15 or 20 all time.  (Certainly #2 in the history of the AWA to only Verne freakin' Gagne.)  I don't like Greene's chances.




Blackjack Lanza VS "The Z Man" Tom Zenk

"The Z Man" could never decide if he wanted to be a pro wrestler or not (at least according to his former partner and friend Rick Martel), so I'm thinking a Hall of Famer like Lanza could straighten this punk out with a lariat to the jaw.




Jinder Mahal VS John Kronus

Kronus was Perry Saturn's other half in the tag-team The Eliminators (and in mythology; look it up).  Jinder Mahal was never very good to begin with.  I go Kronus.


RECAP:

Bret Hart defeats Mad Dog Vachon
Vader defeats Tony Atlas
Mustapha Saed defeats Simon Diamond
Jimmy Del Ray defeats Barry Hardy
John Morrison defeats Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart
Nick Bockwinkel defeats Kevin Greene
Blackjack Lanza defeats The Z Man
John Kronus defeats Jinder Mahal

Come on back for Bracket XXX!  (No nudity, though.)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

THE GRUNGE MATCH - Conclusion

This has certainly been a heck of a thing.

Writing this started out as a labor of love to a subgenre of rock and roll that came along at the perfect time for me (both when I was entering middle school in the bottom 5 of the popularity pecking order and when I started buying albums at the impressionable age of 11).  It obviously took a long time to put together: August 29th, 2016 is when I began planning, May 24th is when I wrote the last entry, the wee hours of August 1st, 2017 is when I finished proofreading and uploading the entries to the blog with video links, and here I am typing these words on August 15th.

The elephant in the room is this genre seems to be built on death.  Three of the four frontmen of these bands are dead, one of which occurred during the run of this series.  (Shouts to Alice In Chains bassist Mike Starr as well.  R.I.P.)  On top of that, Pearl Jam only exists because the lead singer of Mother Love Bone died, causing that band to break up.  If you go down the nex…

WHAT THE HELL IS A BLOG? - iTunes Music Reviews, April 2018

Being that it's been more than a year since I've attempted one of these and iTunes is gonna stop selling mp3's next year, this is probably my next to last chance to do this sort of thing.  I started doing hot take reviews of albums based off nothing but 30 second iTunes previews in 2007, and if I'd been smart, I'd've transitioned to YouTube with them in about 2009.  I didn't, so here we are.  If reading a slightly older gentleman trying to temper his apathy and vexation at modern pop music and give it a fair shake (or trying to be funny when shitting on things that he can't resist shitting on) is your jam, step up to the dance floor!

Scoring system goes from 0 stars (sometimes negative if it goes the extra mile of horrible) to five stars (which has happened three times in 11 years of doing this, and I'd take every one of them back because that's the thing with hot takes).  Here we go!


Cardi B "Invasion Of Privacy" ❂ & 1/2
(or ❂❂, dep…

MUSIC REVIEWS: Sophie, Hannah Diamond, The Brash Menagerie, Beach House & MC Lars

Hey, y'all.  Managed to cobble together some more opinions on the musics and such.  Let's see what listening to albums has done to my brain-to-word connectivity this week!

Ratings are like this:
0 Stars: Utter Shit
* Star: Had at least one redeeming thing about it, but definitely not my thing
** Stars: Meh.  Maybe a thing or two I liked, but definitely coulda been worse.
***: A Good Album.
****: A Great Album.
*****: Absolutely fucking incredible.  (Almost impossible to achieve.)


Sophie "Oil Of Every Pear's Un-Insides" *** and 1/4

Starts with a relaxing, reassuring song "It's Okay To Cry", which gets jarring out of nowhere at the end.  Which seemed needless, but then "Ponyboy" slams into the picture and I see what she was doing there: Dialating your sphincter for the unholy beating your asshole is about to endure.

This album is jagged; it's harsh; it's repellent; it's brutal; but most importantly: it's interesting.  It's…