Skip to main content

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Bracket VIII (Matches

                              

Steve Corino VS Ludvig Borga

Ludvig Borga might have sucked the big one, but his unstoppableness would unfortunately see Steve Corino flattened like a pancake.  92 seconds on this one.


                           

"Captain" Lou Albano VS Kane

Ditto this one.  Big Red Monster in 0:30.


                                 

Glacier VS Barry Windham

This one would take a little longer, but Barry Windham comes out on top in 5:14.  Just your average WCW Saturday Night warm-up for the second round.


                                   

Bray Wyatt VS Jerry Brisco

Ooh.  This one is interesting.  Bray Wyatt is hot as fuck right now, with him and his Family running roughshod over everybody in the WWE (especially the main event players), but he's brand new.  What else do I have to gauge his career on, Husky Harris?  Even then he was an infrequent competitor lost in a five man faction.  Gerald Brisco on the other hand, has the opposite problem.  The only times I saw him wrestle were for the Hardcore Championship (which he won) and the infamous Evening Gown match with fellow septuagenarian Pat Patterson.  (During which Crash Holly came in and won the Hardcore title from Patterson.  It was the Attitude Era; deal with it.)  Anyway, despite all that Brisco has this great pedigree that I'm aware of that I never bore witness to, and Bray Wyatt is an intriguing character capable of awesome things I haven't bore witness to yet.  So who wins?  I think in a one-on-one, Wyatt would have a slight edge due to his towering unorthodoxy, even against a ring general like Brisco.  Then, the Wyatt Family will probably get involved somehow, and the heel wins either way.  Follow the Buzzards in 7:53.


                                      

Cody Rhodes VS Giant Silva

Given that Cody has technically beaten The Big Show (it was a tables match and Show's leg got knocked off the apron, causing him to step through a table, but whatever), I think he'd be able to take Giant Silva.  Despite being a legit Kickboxer with K-1 Pridefighting and a legit 7'2", also despite beating Akebono in a legit K-1 Match with a Kimura lock (something Big Show was unable to do at Wrestlemania 21, though that was a sumo match but still...)...point is dude could move.  I've seen him vault over the top rope like Macho Man used to do onto the floor.  Thing is though, Cody Rhodes will be world champion someday, and this is the beginning of his breakthrough period.  The Giant would put forth a valiant effort, but it's Cody in 9:12.


                                        

Darren Young VS "Dirty" Dutch Mantell (aka Zeb Coulter)

This match could technically happen now, but ol' Dutch's prime was back in the early 80's.  Darren Young is a guy I hope hasn't hit     his prime yet, and I'd argue he hasn't.  Looking into my crystal ball, (especially if he winds up in TNA) he'll get a singles title down the road and have some impressive matches.  The thing is, Dutch won the AWA Southern championship five times, right in Jerry "The King" Lawler's backyard, as well as the Mid-South TV title.  Not a mind-blowing list of accomplishments, but add that and his clean win as a face against The King in Memphis, and Dutch goes over the Young one.  6:54.


                                

Marty Jannetty VS Billy Robinson

Marty Jannetty, a man who basically was on Shawn Michaels' level but was his own worst enemy.  I firmly believe Jannetty/Michaels would have been one of the best WWF World title feuds of the 90's had Jannetty had his fucking shit together, but he kept doing drugs and beating girls.  Billy Robinson was the real deal, a shoot wrestler that became a worker in the 1970's AWA.  All told however, I have to give the edge to Jannetty, because he really could have been WWF Champ if he'd had some sense.  (With the classic Winged Eagle belt, no less.)  Still, it'd probably be a great matchup, something similar I'd imagine to Jannetty's 2005 square off against Kurt Angle, but this time with a different result.  (And about four minutes shorter to boot.  15:21.)


                               

Balls Mahoney VS Amazing Red

As "Amazing" as Red truly is, I feel like Balls would just swat him out of the air, trademark steel chair in hand or no.  2:45  (Addendum: Wouldn't it be great if these two formed a tag team called "Red Balls"?)


RECAP:

Ludvig Borga defeats Steve Corino
Kane defeats "Captain" Lou Albano
Barry Windham defeats Glacier
Bray Wyatt defeats Jerry Brisco
Cody Rhodes defeats Giant Silva
Dutch Mantel defeats Darren Young
Marty Jannetty defeats Billy Robinson
Balls Mahoney defeats The Amazing Red







Come on back tomorrow for bracket IX!

Comments

  1. Oh the humanity! Mario doesn't make the first the first round of eliminations! Sucks he got put against Kane. Unfortunately I can't disagree with your assessment. Maybe rubberband face Lou Albano would have lasted a bit longer? Naaaaa

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Update Wrap-Up

Well, The Big Four Song Challenge Series Update has drawn to a close, and here we are in the aftermath.  Metallica edged out Megadeth on the strength of bonus material, Anthrax did okay and Slayer should have broken up when Jeff Hanneman died.  For real, all coming back with another album did for them was...well, make them money and allow them to keep touring and making more money, so there's that.  But more importantly, by releasing "Repentless", they dropped from two to three on my completely arbitrary opinion based blog series status ranking system!  Surely, that can't have been worth a couple million bucks?

Anyhow, I'm getting the feeling that rock music in general is going to need to evolve into something completely different or call it quits altogether.  Rock has had its 60 year run just like jazz did before it, and if it doesn't come up with something soon, it will fade away from the public consciousness, only to return in Gap commercials in the 2040…

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Matchup 172

Anthrax "Impaled" (2016) VS Megadeth "Dystopia" (2016) VS Metallica "Atlas, Rise!" (2016) VS Slayer "Jihad" (Live from Sofia, Bulgaria) (2010)

Unfortunately, Anthrax drew the short straw here, as "Impaled" is a middling intro that, on top of being a bit of a non-song, goes on a hair too long for its own good.

"Dystopia" is a solid, upbeat fist-pumper that was a no-brainer to make the first single off the album of the same name.  It may seem a little milquetoast for the first half, but once the "single" part falls away, it reveals a banger in the back half that makes you remember why you like this stuff in the first place.  It'll take more than one listen to realize how cool this song is, but on play two or three you'll be nodding your head with a pleased scowl on your face.

My first impression of "Atlas, Rise!" was "This is the most average Metallica song ever."  Like if you took all the Met…

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Matchup 178

Anthrax "Suzerain" (2016) VS Megadeth "Conquer Or Die!" (2016) VS Metallica "ManUNkind" (2016) VS Slayer "Cast The First Stone" (2015)

"Suzerain" is your pentennial reminder that Charlie Bennante don't fuck around.  Definitely the most fiery song on "For All Kings", and probably the closest to the old Anthrax as we're going to get ever again.  Bang your head in reflection.

"Conquer Or Die!" is more old school, though whether that works for or against it is up to you.  It's the three minute instrumental interlude.  This one is...fine.  Honestly, it's better than fine when compared to the song I have to review next, so I shan't complain too loudly.  But it is a song you wouldn't exactly miss if it fell off the face of the planet either.

"ManUNkind" was the point where I stopped giving "Hardwired...To Self-Destruct" the benefit of the doubt and started dreading the fact that I h…