THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: The Eighth Round AND The Triple-Threat Elimination Match To Determine It All
"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair VS Brock Lesnar
This match would be ugly. It would be uncomfortable. It would me Ivan Drago murdering Apollo Creed. Lesnar would take his time with the most prolific world champion there has ever been, savoring each suplex, each ground and pound, each impact of fist to flesh and flesh to canvas. The suffering of this man (who is one of the best sellers in the business, but would have gone limp and silent after seven or eight minutes of punishment) eliciting something approaching glee from the Beast Incarnate. Blood dribbles from Flair's mouth first, then the old crimson mask, earned hardway. After about ten minutes, even Paul Heyman, Brock Lesnar's manager and advocate, is begging him to stop. He's proved his point! He's done enough! But for Brock, it's never enough. He chains five more german suplexes together to make a grand total of eighteen, then F-5's The Nature Boy one more time just to rub it in that he. Cannot. Be stopped. Lesnar is going to the finals.
The Undertaker VS Kurt Angle
The Undertaker once made short work of Kurt Angle in the summer of 2000, but I'd argue that Angle had yet to hit his stride. Once he did, The Undertaker never beat him again. In ultimate god mode, Angle could outwrestle just about anybody, and if he stayed away from Undertaker's power game, he could win it. Angle advances.
"The Scissor King" Joe Stecher VS Hulk Hogan
Once again, I have to refer to the 1983 match between Hulk Hogan and Antonio Inoki. The way Hogan was able to stand up to an absolute 5-Star Ring General like that makes me think that, in a work, he could've made a win over Joe Stecher look convincing. Also, it's Hulk fucking Hogan we're talking about here. Dude's a boss.
Brock Lesnar defeats Ric Flair
Kurt Angle defeats The Undertaker
Hulk Hogan defeats Joe Stecher
Because this was never about fantasy booking an entire match or storyline or whatever, and because this has taken more than 550 days off our lives (also because I’m in the middle of finals, and I just want this to be OVER with), I’ll keep the finals brief. Besides, two of the three men involved have had far more fantastic matches against one another than my words could ever do justice to. Typing out a hold for hold recount of an imaginary encounter between two men that have already had plenty of real ones just feels redundant to me. Adding Hogan and making it a Triple Threat actually makes it...awkward.
THE FINAL ROUND:
A Triple Threat Elimination Match To Determine It All:
Brock Lesnar VS Kurt Angle VS Hulk Hogan
Hogan is eliminated about twelve minutes in. He is a bloody mess.
Angle pins Lesnar after a missed shooting star press at the thirty-nine minute mark. (Lesnar kicks out, goes for the F-5, but Angle counters with his FIFTH Angle Slam.)
!!!!!KURT ANGLE WINS IT ALL!!!!!
Come on back for a look back at this ridiculously long tournament!