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Showing posts from January, 2011

14 - Bud Light, Suck One (2/7/08)

I just couldn't help myself. I mean, what else am I gonna do? Watch two MORE episodes of House? (And don't worry. The two songs that have been requested of me ARE on the way.) So, for the second time in as many weeks, it's:

Here's this week's ratings system:

0 Stars (denoted by a lack of stars after the title): Strom Thurmon
1 Star: Disco (not to be confused with actual disco)
2 Stars: Coma victim with herpes
3 Stars: Chillin' on a Sunday afternoon
4 Stars: Surrounded by cool friends and awesome family
5 Stars: Doing the thing you most want to do in the world
(i.e.: 0 to 5 = Dead to Alive!)

Simian Mobile Disco “Live From SoHo” (iTunes Exclusive) **
Daft Punk minus the talent, charm, variety, plus a quirky name, and thrust into the public consciousness just in time to jump on robot dick. The exact same BPM and way too much boops and beeps (pot calling the kettle black, I know, but there's a time and a place for everything, an…

13 - Review Time Again (1/22/08)

30 Seconds With Nick Nutter (Yes, Ryan Stancl came up with that title)
This time, since there hasn't been any noteworthy introductions to iTunes since the first week of December (save Lisa Loeb and (ugh) Michael Jackson feat. Akon...I should probably review those just because. Too good to pass up.), I will be reviewing stuff that iTunes thinks I like because I bought something else remotely similar. Here we go:

0 Stars: Jillian Hall (minus the hotness)
1 Star: Any random WCW guy
2 Stars: Robert Roode
3 Stars: Kevin Nash
4 Stars: Hulk Hogan
5 Stars: Way better than anything I thought possible from this project

Of course, like I said, the Michael Jackson thing was WAY too good to pass up:

Michael Jackson "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 2008" (featuring Akon) [negative one star] [normally try to avoid negatives, but Akon REALLY gets on my nerves]
It's the "Ama Se Ama San A Mambu San" song sung by Akon. I don't even know from the 30 seconds if Michael…

12 - The Best Of 2007 (12/26/07)

Dec 26, 2007

Well, another year has come and gone, and thank GOD it was better than the hopeless stretch that was 2006. As you can see, we've recovered nicely from one of the worst years on record (that's a double entendre if you didn't catch that, or if you're too young to know what a record is, or too nit-picky to call anything not on vinyl a record). Get used to these rants, people, because I did about 58 of 'em. That's right! It's The Top 58 Albums Of 2007!!!

The Left Out: (i.e.: CDs I wanna get, but my broke-ass can't buy no more this year)
Stanley Clarke "The Toys Of Men"
Kittie "Funeral For Yesterday"
Tony Levin "Stick Man"
Nellie McKay "Obligatory Villagers"
Polysics "Polysics Or Die!!! Vista"
Jean-Luc Ponty "The Actama Experience"
Grace Potter & The Nocturnals "This Is Here"
Redman "Live From Da Bricks"
Soilwork "Sworn To A Great Divide&qu…

11 - Another Sad Day For The Music Industry (11/25/07)

Current mood: uncomfortable

The King of Spain told Hugo Chavez to shut up recently at a conference when the Venezualan (sp?) dictator kept butting in. This sound bite has now become the ring tone for half a million people. That means IT WENT GOLD. The f***ing King Of Spain went GOLD. Off a ringtone! (Which they recognize as a sale now, and have charts for.) So....what does that say? Something I realized during my recent reviews of iTunes. PEOPLE WILL BUY ANYTHING. If you see current music trends as a problem, here's my advice: STAY UNDERGROUND. It will never get better. It feels like I'm living in the movie Idiocracy. (Which is an interesting movie, by the way.)

By the way, the new album is coming. Just be patient. (Hey, if you'll buy anything, this shit will turn your world upside down. It's different. When did that become synonymous with "ugly" and "unwanted"? But yo. I'm me. I do what I do. I can't do post-crunk. I can't get a convin…

10 - Back By Popular Demand (10/2/07)

Due to popular demand, here's another review of the latest crap to hit the street and fail to be picked up by its owners! It's the new release blog!

As always, albums are judged from 30 second sound samples provided by iTunes, and using this rating system:

0 Stars (denoted by a lack of stars by the title): F*** this!
1 Star: (Wretch into waste basket)
2 Stars: Meh
3 Stars: Hmmm....
4 Stars: Yeah!
5 Stars: Holy Sh**!!!

Bruce Springsteen "Magic" **
To quote the Steve the Philb-meister: "Meh."

Brooks & Dunn "Cowboy Town" *
Disqualified for being country. (To the point of stereotypicality.) Next.

Bob Dylan "Dylan" ** and 5/8
I get a kick out of some of his stuff. This is a three disc retrospective, so most of the songs you could ever want to hear are probably here. (Unless you're curious. Sometimes there are pleasant surprises lurking in the dark and distant nooks and crannies of a long career's deep cuts.)

Dashboard Confessiona…

09 - Well, Happy Birthday To You Too

Sept 26, 2007

Okay, so I had to go through the hood to get there, right? And I started freaking out, because...I don't know what to wear. No, like, am I okay if I wear a red tee w/ blue jeans, or are they both gonna smoke me? And then I thought about it...There has got to be a gang for every color under the sun now. Black and White is the Latin Kings...Plain black is CIA...Purple is Barney's clik. He a bad mu fuka, you don' wanna fuk w/ him. "I see U / U cain't see me / If U do, you gonna see my semi / With a ch-ch p p p bthththth (Reload) Pwochw..." So I just said "Fuck it" and went naked. And a gang of nudists rolled on me and fuckd me UP. Thank you, you've been a wonderful audience!

08 - Yet Another Chunk Of Life Bludgeoned To Death By Boredom's Shoes (9/2/07)

If you remember (or look down this page further), I did a similar blog during Lent. Now, since I woke up hella late and now can't sleep, I'm gonna do it again. So what's new, 'Tunes?

Here's the ratings system:

0 Stars (denoted by a lack of stars after the title): Stone Cold Garbage
1 Stars: Maaaaad Wack Ish, Son
2 Stars: The Weakness, kid
3 Stars: A' ight
4 Stars: Bangin'
5 Stars: The Mutha-F***in' Shyeeet!

Paul McCartney "Nod Your Head" (Single) **
This one got more attention than the other songs right off the bat, because I could download it for free. (What, you think I buy all this shit? Fuck no. I listen to 30 second samples. Not exactly the fairest measure of critique, but what you gonna do?) The song itself is just shy of two minutes, so I guess that doesn't make much difference. It's what happens when a 64 year old pop star writes a song on autopilot. That being said, it's still better than 9/10 OF THE SHIT ON THE RADIO TOD…

07 - I Have Pink Eye (4/15/07)

Apr. 15, 2007
Current mood: Sick

Yes, it's true. I have pink eye. And a cough that would put hair on Mother Teresa's balls.
Anyway, since I seem to be making a habit of this, let's do another review segment for the benefit of the terminally bored, if for no one else.

WHAT I MISSED DURING LENT: A review of the music I binged on after that 40 day expariment
As always, I have a ratings system in place, and here it is:

0 Stars: Giant black hole (because it sucks in a MAJOR way) (0 stars are noted by a blank after the title, as opposed to putting a zero.)
1 Star: Microscopic black hole (Sucks a lot too)
2 Stars: Dark matter (Maybe we can pretend it doesn't exist...)
3 Stars: Proto-star (Something's going on here)
4 Stars: Yellow-dwarf (Like the sun)
5 Stars: Blue giant Zeta Ophiuchi (That's some hot shit)

The Apex Theory "Lightpost" ***
I've been waiting for something from these guys for like three years. "Topsy-Turvy" was de…