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Showing posts from August, 2013

Miley Cyrus's Valley Is Uncanny

So yeah.  This happened.  It's not as big a deal as you may think, given the square columnage that's been dedicated to it on the internet so far.  A famous person did a skanky dance while on stage.  That's it.  But since that's not gonna move the needle at this here Blog-a-ma-jig, here's my take on it:

Miley Cyrus's performance at the VMA's is that of someone who was given rote instructions on how to be raunchy and sell sex, but had absolutely no idea how to execute the act.  She keeps sticking out her tongue because it's like her robot overlords told her it's a subtle allusion to cunnilingus or something.  The entire performance looked joyless, passionless and deliberate.  And the thing is, she views it as some kind of great success.  Kinda like this guy:





This flailing, obvious grab for attention that's meant to be hot but comes off as...creepy, is why we don't have sexbots yet.  If you are unfamiliar, the concept is called The Uncanny Val…

RAP-TASTIC RAPPIN-A-BLIPPETY-BLOO: Music Reviews, Son

It's that time once again, ladies and gentlemen.  Music reviews!  This week, I'm going to take a look at the notable releases of the last few months (especially because nothing's come out since the beginning of July).  So let's get started!:






Jay-Z "Magna Carta...Holy Grail" **

"Reeboks on, I jus do it, n***a" -Rick Ross, "FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt"

This whole album is about how Jay-Z will be a billionaire sooner rather than later.  It's raps about wealth so vast that only a few thousand people on the planet could possibly relate to it.  So why is there so much trap shit on here?  Trap beats are exclusively hood, not "I'm bringin' the Concorde back" type music.  What gives?

The concept Jay's trying to convey here is that he has humble beginnings and look at where he is now.  He's trying to give this message of unfathomable, unassailable wealth to the unwashed, unemployed masses in a language they can better unders…

GEORGE DUKE MIXTASTIC: CELEBRATING THE LIFE

Just found out that one of the funkiest men on the planet, George Duke, has passed away at the age of 67 from chronic lymphocytic leukemia.  Here's a playlist of awesome George Duke jams to get you familiar, and/or to remember a legend:











Little did I know, George Duke played keyboards on this little album here:



Or that this existed:




Here's one Daft Punk sampled for "Digital Love":












Mama Said Shut This Off: Music Reviews, 8/5/2013

Hey there, boys and girls.  Been awhile.  But I'm back with some music reviews.  Since nothing of note has come out since the first week of July, I'll just review the first five things I find on iTunes.  Here we go!

(For those who may not be familiar, I do a * to ***** rating system, with more often than not a zero (denoted by a blank) registering, because I do not hesitate to call out wack bullshit.  All comments are opinion, so don't get too bothered.  F.E.P.O., people.  For Entertainment Purposes Only.)




Robin Thicke "Blurred Lines" *

E'erbody be on this guy's dick right now, so let's see what the big deal is about.  I gotta admit, I don't see why the title track is such a smash; I see why it's a hit, but I don't see why it's one of the biggest songs of the summer.  I also admit however, that "Take It Easy", a track that most people will never hear, has a unique take on the average bass heavy pop song, eschewing a snare drum…