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Five Suggestions To Make The WWE More Interesting

The WWE is in a creative Sargasso right now, which isn't unheard of for this time of year. But some of the problems are unique to the time: CM Punk is on crutches, Randy Orton can't main event anymore because he has two wellness policy strikes against him, Ryback isn't quite ready to be world champion yet and everybody knows it but there's not much else to do with him, Del Rio's been de-pushed, Sheamus just lost three World title matches with Big Show in a row, the attempt to promote tag team wrestling seems to have cooled considerably, and much like the economic situation, the disparity between the top tier and the bottom tier has pushed the mid-card below the line of believability (aka: Promoting from within the ranks to make new world title contenders is not an option at present).

Add all that to the addition of a third hour of Raw and a new show on Wednesdays called "The Main Event", and you have six hours of new TV to produce every week, nine if the…

The Top 82 (or 108 depending on how you count) Albums of 2012

Hello, and welcome to my 2012 Albums Of The Year List! I hope you enjoy this year's mammoth list of music, and I hope I hip you to your new favorite band. (Or at the very least your favorite new band.)

This was one of the more challenging year-end lists I've had to put together. 2012 had so many albums come out, I couldn't even get them all. (Deftones, Soundgarden, A. Wolf & Her Claws, Gary Husband, John McLaughlin, Diablo Swing Orchestra, Chris Keys & Oh No, Decortica, Der Hunds, Drivin' & Cryin', 8mm, El Perro Del Mar, The Elkcloner, Evan Brewer, FlyinFisch, Felix Martin, Gold Motel, Jasmine Ash, Reserve de Marche, School Of Seven Bells' new EP, Soen, Sophie Madeline, Thank You Scientist, Tweaker and Twelve Foot Ninja, I AM LOOKING AT YOU.)

Another thing was the sheer volume made it impossible for me to absorb what I did get. There are plenty of albums on this list that were good the first time, but I didn't even spin more than once. (Dave Mat…

On Divisiveness

Here is an e-mail I fired off to a local Public Access station last night:

"I was flipping through channels on Sunday night, and came across The New Math Tutor on Channel 96. (At least that's what the program schedule says.) I heard a narrator reading a passage about how white people are not of God, and how we aren't capable of love. How people with green or blue eyes are not to be trusted, among other inflammatory things.

I do happen to be caucasian, but singling out white people is NOT what made me angry. What prompted this e-mail is the dehumanization of their targets. Saying that one race is better than any other race goes against not just my core beliefs, but common sense. People are people and always have been. But when you take the comments of the narrator and substitute in black for white, or put in an eye shape instead of an eye color, or a religious philosophy instead of a skin difference, and even if you leave the adjectives the same come to think of it, the na…

THE TOP 20 SONGS OF 2012

Welcome Ladies, Gentlemen, Children old enough to listen to music with swear words and prog noodling in it! It's time once again for the year end list season, and this is my opening bid: The Top 20 Songs of 2012 (as chosen by me). Enjoy!



20. Death Penis "Norwegian Rain Dance" [listen]

19. The GV Crew "Chop'm" [listen]

18. Bonnie Raitt "Used To Rule The World" [listen]

17. Graffiti6 "Stare Into The Sun" [listen]

16. Kaiser Chiefs "Cousin In The Bronx" [listen]

15. Devin Townsend "Kingdom" [listen]

14. Death Penis "My Love's Like A Suicide Bomber" [listen]

13. T.R.A.M. "Endeavor" [listen]

12. Death Penis "Pussy Juice" [listen]

11. Phenomenal Handclap Band "The Unknown Faces At Father James Park" [listen]

10. Prong "Eternal Heat" [listen]

9. E-40 feat. Suga-T & Agerman "I Know I Can Make It" …

Death Penis - The Cuming Plague

What's this shit?  It looks like Clippy from MS Word got bent into a human shape and got thrown into some kind of satanic bukkaki.

And that's...kinda what this album sounds like?

Let me explain.

Death Penis is a satirical project with over-the-over-the-top lyrics, short-attention span songs and a bunch of different musical styles.  In this 13 song, 21 minute barrage alone, there's techno punk, death metal, screamo-crunk, southern rap, electronic, indie rock, regular rap, rap metal and tribal pan-flute death metal (seriously).

Here's a rundown of what the songs are about:

1. Punk Overture - An Instrumental BS Intro.

2. Flowers Are Pretty - Proves that Death Metal isn't all just gore, misanthropy and devil worship.  (Though human sacrifice and Kenny G worship are in this song, so...yeah, that might actually be worse.)

3. From My Cold Dead Hands - Auto-Erotic Zombification (i.e.: Jerking off after you're dead.)  (See?  So disgusting, yet so stupid.)

4. Like Hellf…

New Music Is Post-Scarcity, As Are Music Reviews!

Smash Mouth "Magic" *

Believe it or not, I have a soft spot for Smash Mouth. Their album "Astro Lounge" is the kind of guilty pleasure fun album that can cleanse the palate when you need it to, and the self-titled follow-up that nobody remembers was pretty good too. 2003's "Get The Picture" was kinda "ehhhh...", but still tollerable, and after that, I don't know what they've done. (I only started listening to them because used CDs are practically free at this point; same with Everclear.)

Anyhow, they're back for 2012, and I'm kinda wishing they weren't. It just doesn't have the charm that their turn of the millennium output had. None of the songs are particularly memorable, and a lot of them cross the line into too sugary to be good territory. Sorry dudes; I can't give you a pass on this one.


Bill Ortiz "Highest Wish" ** 1/2

This is an album that, without all the rappers and hip hop production, woul…

The Five Worst Movies I've Ever Seen (And then some)

Have you ever seen a movie so horrible you couldn't even put it in the "So Bad It's Good" category? One that makes you think "God, is this over yet"? A movie completely devoid of value; utterly bereft of any redeeming quality? Something so bad it actually makes you angry? Well, here's a couple I think sucked REAL hard, and the public deserves to be warned of their scourge.

Disclaimer: This list is strictly my opinion and my opinion alone. It is not "reality" or "fact" such as they may be. So before you get all butt-hurt because a movie you like is on this list (or a movie you hate isn't), keep that in mind. For Entertainment Purposes Only, people. (F.E.P.O., son!)

Before we begin in earnest, here are what would have been number 6 through 10 on the list, but I didn't really feel like giving them proper write-ups because I didn't have as much to say about them. Here are the dishonorable mentions, in no particular o…

A Playlist For Your Back To School Needs

The "Back To School" vibe isn't just a timely reference; this mix has a lot of "What's old is new again" to it.  Bands that have been away for a long time, new singles from albums that came out last year...There are also some young upstarts that compliment the veterans well.

Anyway, here's what all the cool kids should be listening to as they go back to school:


1. The Black Keys "Lonely Boy"





2. Diablo Swing Orchestra "Voodoo Mon Amour"





3. AU "OJ"





4. P.O.D. "Higher"





5. Killer Mike "Untitled" (feat. Scar)





6. Acyl "Ungratefulness"





7. Everclear "Falling In A Good Way"





8. Hurt "How We End Up Alone"





9. Call Me No One "Thunderbird"





10. Mnemic "Valves"





11. Bonie Raitt "Used To Rule The World"





12. Gojira "L'Enfant Sauvage"





13. Machine Head "Darkness Within"





14. Little Feat "Candy Man Blues"





15. Testament "Native Blood"





16. Nas…

(A)Musings #1: Piano trio jazz with brushes

I've always loved the sound of soft piano trio jazz, with the stand up bass being tenderly plucked, the snare being rubbed with one hand and lightly swung on with the other, the magical kiss of golden-coated splashes from brushes licking the cymbals, and the dreamy notes from the baby grand, floating away into the ether like feathers coated in cool.

It reminds me of rainy days. It reminds me of Relaxation. It reminds me of just letting my mind drift and my breath slow.

And of course, it reminds me of Mister Rogers. (Guy had good taste.)







Now, the song doesn't precicely invoke what I'm talking about, but it has the earmarks, and no doubt subliminally set the groundwork for my appreciation for cool jazz.

Here's what I was listening to when I came up with the idea for this post:






The song I'm talking about starts at the 17:59 mark. (For some reason, I couldn't embed it at that specific point; I know some rudimentary html, but aside from posting a clickable link,…

"GV 45: The Significant Jump" is up and running on YouTube!

It's official!  "GV 45 -  The Significant Jump" has hit the internet and therefore the streets!  This blog post is your one-stop destination for listening to the whole thing!  (And my Youtube Channel, but that's a big duh.)  So here it is, back again for the first time in 2 and a half years...THE GV CREW!

Turn yo speakers uuup!  (It also helps if you have sub woofers.  Lots of bass.)

1. Paths And Pasts Forgotten


2. Five 2 Tha Good


3. Don't Do It!


4. Nerdin' It Up


5. Highly Illegal (Anime Fart)


6. Chop'm


7. Absolute Intangibility


8. Bitch Ass Fish


9. Ghettrance


10. Yyep.  This Is Normal


11. Billy Cobham's Cleaners


12. Cybernetically Indurated


13. The Rapey Nature Of Duck Mating


14. Unwanted Pregnancy


15. Omed D'api S'jt


16. Pole Vaulting Over Sloan's Great Wall


17. See U In Hl


18. Nostalgic Pillows


22. Wood Experiment


26. Like Hellfire (Human Papillomaremix)


28. Erschneidle


30. Aipotsyd


**. Interview With Matt

GV 45: The Significant Jump dropping soon; Here's the first single

Here's a new joint from The GV Crew called "Chop'm". I do the vocals and the beat on this one; Check it out:

Reviews On Random

I was pretty bored and uninspired, so I decided "Hey, I'll put iTunes on random and review the albums of the things that come up." So here we are:

Awesome Fun Carmaker "E For Everyone" (2007)*** and 1/3



One of the best bands I've ever seen live. They were pure energy, keytars and, well, awesome. A band has rarely lived up to its name quite as literally as Awesome Car Funmaker did. You should be able to find this quirky rock jem on Amazon.

Little Feat "Down On The Farm" (1979)* and 1/2

This was Little Feat's weakest album. Cobbled together in the wake of the death of vocalist Lowell George, the band was already planning to break up when they went to make it. The results are less than stellar, mired in late 70's pseudo-soft rock and with really only the title track to redeem themselves.

Plastic Electrica >Protection< [Compilation] (1999)    ** and 1/2

There's some decent stuff on here from The Chemical Brothers, Massive Attack, …

The Best Laid Plans...

This summer, I had an overly ambitious list of projects I wanted to accomplish; stuff I've had rattling around my brain for awhile that back at the end of May I said "You know what? I'm doing it all!"

Well...

I can honestly say I worked on all but one of these projects, but I never concentrated long enough to finish any of them. (Some weren't even close.) I still plan on completing every last one of these things, but the likelihood they'll be done by the end of the summer of 2012 is...damn near zero percent for all but two or three of them.

I thought it might be interesting to give you guys some insight into what I've been working on, so in no particular order, here goes:

GOAL: PUBLISH AND PROMOTE "SOLUTIONS TO MANMADE PROBLEMS"

Likelihood of completion by end of Summer (henceforth abbreviated into the much more convenient and much more silly LOCBEOS): 0%

This one isn't all due to my lack of motivation, believe it or not. You may recall …

The Top 19 Albums of 1969

Hey there. Excited for some nostalgia? Well for most of you, too bad, because we're talking about a year in music that happened a decade or to before you (or I) were born. But holy crap did it happen.

Anyhow, here's my picks for the 20 best albums of 1969:

19. The Band "Songs From Big Pink"

18. Joe Cocker "With A Little Help From My Friends"

17. Jack Bruce "Songs For A Tailor"

16. Pink Floyd "More"

15. The Doors "The Soft Parade"

The only Doors album with Jim Morrison on vocals that kinda sucks. Still, half of the songs are good, and it beats the crap out of the two albums they did after the Lizard King departed the earthly realm.

14. Frank Zappa "Uncle Meat"

Has its moments ("King Kong", "Dog's Breath (et. al.)" and "God Bless America" specifically), but is ultimately too fucked up to truly appreciate. (And once again, no, Frank Zappa didn't do drugs.)

13. The Who "Tom…