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Showing posts from December, 2013

THE TOP 52 ALBUMS OF 2013: Or, How To Cop Out Like A Sonofabitch

I'm sorry.

I just can't do it this year.  I just can't make myself give a fuck.  About any of these albums; even the ones I like.

I hastily whipped together a list at the end of November with the intent of writing entries for it and publishing it on this blog on Monday (Dec. 16), but as I looked down the list, a few things started to happen.  One, I must have been high when I came up with the order, which meant two: I'd have to put a lot of thought and effort into ranking albums one over the other that Three: I HAVEN'T LISTENTED TO IN OVER SIX MONTHS.  Half the shit on here I got because of a name brand: Flotsam And Jetsam.  Mindless Self Indulgence.  Sepultura.  Jay-Z.  Fates Warning.  I've reached critical mass, and I can't take it anymore.

It also doesn't help a lot of these albums aren't memorable in the slightest.  Some of them might actually even suck.  There are at least fifteen that are worth picking up if you're looking for good music. …


Hercules Hernandez VS "Gorgeous" George Wagner
Gorgeous George is one of the most famous World champions in history (they used to say his name in the opening of all WWE programming from 2005 to 2013).  Hercules had power, but ultimately never got off the second from the bottom rung of the WWE ladder.  Easy win for Mr. Wagner.

"Hebrew Hercules" Abe Coleman (no relation) VS Bully Ray (aka Bubba Ray Dudley)
Abe Coleman has the record for being the longest living professional wrestler (he passed away in 2007 at the ripe old age of 101 and 1/2, though he'd retired some 60 years prior).  I think there's been one other guy to come close to the century mark, that being Angelo Savoldi (who prior to his death and the tribute at the beginning of Raw back in September, I had no idea existed, which is why he's not in this tournament; in fact there's a lot of wrestlers in this Wikipedia article about the oldest pro wrestlers that I'd never heard of, like Nick …


The Demon (aka Dale Torborg) VS The Ultimate Warrior
A battle of facepaint for the ages!  The winner is that who breathes the air that SMELLS of combat!  WARIAAAAAGGGH!!!!!

Jimmy Jacobs VS Bobby Duncam Jr.
When I made these brackets this might've been a tossup, but since Jacob's match with ROH Champion Adam Cole, I have to give this one to the Vampire Princess.  He really showed his mettle.

Sin Cara VS Kamala The Ugandan Giant
Doesn't matter who's under the hood, Sin Cara's gettin' cannibalized.

Yoshihiro Tajiri VS Chris Youngblood
The Japanese Buzzsaw would cut this would-be totem poll to shreds, homie.

Masato Tanaka VS Lou Thez
It would be an interesting matchup, no doubt.  Masato Tanaka was tough as nails; he could take a Mike Awesome powerbomb from the ring through a table on the floor and still kick out at two.  Lou Thez was NWA Champion for a total time longer than anyone in history however (in fact, has the longest continuous reign as champion), and invented…


Bret "The Hitman" Hart VS "Mad Dog" Vachon
With all due respect to the recently erstwhile Maurice Vachon, Bret Hart didn't just give himself the nickname "The Best There Is, The Best There Was, And The Best There Ever Will Be" (well, yeah if you wanna get literal he probably did, but...).  He backed it up in the ring every night for more than 20 years.  Mad Dog is a Hall Of Famer and an icon in this sport, but Bret "The Hitman" Hart was one of the best of all time.  No way he's goin' down in the first round.  (I'm not gonna make a joke about how hard it would be to apply a sharpshooter on a man with a fake leg, either, because in his prime Mad Dog had both.)

Tony Atlas VS Vader
This would have been one hell of a match: Tony Atlas back in his "Mr. U.S.A." days, looking ready to bench press the world against Vader, the 400 pound mastodon from the Rocky Mountains who wasn't afraid to break people (and did; on accident, …


The Big Bossman VS Mr. Fuji
Mr. Fuji actually has more titles than Bossman does, believe it or not.  Bossman was the type of dude who would always get so close but the heel would lose by DQ to keep his title.  Fuji, on the other hand, won the WWF Tag Team titles five times.  He's also a Hall Of Famer and The Big Bossman, in spite of being iconic, is not.  All that being said, however, there's not a planet in this solar system where Bossman doesn't drop Fuji like a bad habit in this match.  Dude be servin' hard times.

"Cowboy" James Storm VS "The Franchise Shane Douglas
This is going to be controversial, but I'm going with James Storm here.  I've seen both wrestler during their primes, and he just seems more consistently impressive to me.  Yes, Shane Douglas is far more decorated.  He is a four time ECW World Champ, a two time ECW TV Champ, an NWA World Champ, a UWF TV Champ, a WCW US Champ, a two time WCW Tag Team Champ, and an Intercontinental Ch…