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THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets XXV-XXVIII, Third Round (Matches 589-596)

This is, unfortunately, a bit of a one-off.  I wrote these brackets sometime in July, and was waiting to write more and gain momentum before posting.  But finding time to post blog entries of any kind is going to be damn-near impossible for the foreseeable future.  I'll still throw something up from time to time (like this), but don't expect me to finish this tournament any time before Summerslam 2015.  I do hope you enjoy these eight matches that will never happen.  They're pretty interesting:

BRACKET XXV, Third Round (Matches 589 & 590):



Edge VS George Hackenschmidt
Oh how I love a contrast of styles.  Edge made his bread in TLC matches and as the opportunistic character he was, used two Money In The Bank cases and a relationship with SmackDown GM Vickie Guerrero to win the bulk of his 11 world titles.  He was fast, impactful (with moves like the Edgecution, Impaler DDT and of course the Spear) and he used psychology over substance at times.  George Hackenschmidt was j…

TO THE MEMBER OF [REDACTED] THAT PULLED SOME RACIST BULLSHIT IN THE PARKING LOT

You made a friend of mine cry.

You made him cry out of frustration, anger, humiliation...I can't pretend to know what was going through his head or feel what he'd experienced, but your actions caused my friend severe emotional distress.  You questioned his very humanity.  And the worst part is, you probably thought nothing of it.

We were just coming in for second shift, around 5 o'clock.  I was already upstairs getting changed, and dude comes in and explains to me what just happened.  Some guy in a Range Rover pulled up to him in the parking lot and said "You don't look like you belong here."

My friend is black, and you are white.

You began forcing the issue, demanding to see the supervisor and this and that, which is what it came down to because you could not believe a person of color worked at this establishment.  My friend was so riled by the experience, he couldn't regain his composure and went home.

I don't blame him.

There was "nothing the manage…

Composure

Crack knuckles.
Stretch neck.
Deep breath.
Begin.

Electrochemical locomotion
Impelling digits
Transmogrifying thought
Into words.

Raw.
Un-oiled.
Returning from
The depths of Hell.

Trying to remember
How this whole thing went.
But not desperately.
Calm reigns.

Confidence
Once extinct
Turns extant
From thin air.

Without the bullshit of
Alchemy
A new chapter is
Constructed.

A nod of satisfaction.
A job well done.
A decent start.
One bite at a time.

The Whole Robin Williams Thing...

You know what's happened by now.  It's terrible.  You're probably really sad, and maybe a little angry.  If you've suffered through depression, maybe you're really pissed off.  Or just a little terrified, because a) This guy had all the resources in the world, and still lost the war, and b) This guy lived with this shit for 63 years, and STILL lost the war.  Alice Radley of the Rational Wrestling Review podcast brought up that first point (and many more profound and painful ones) in this week's episode of her show.  It hurt to listen to, and if you're somehow reading this Alice, I'd love to give you a hug.

That probably sounds condescending, but fuck it.  When you're in that place, human contact can make a big difference.

This is already jumbled and rambling, but whatever.  It's a complex issue with no real solution.  Not really.  If there was, Robin Williams, Mike Awesome, Don Cornelius, Chris Lighty, Jonathan Brandis, Spalding Gray, Chris Kany…

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets XXI-XXIV, Third Round (Matches 581-588)

BRACKET XXI, Third Round (Matches 581 & 582):


"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff VS Hernandez
Wow.  Tough month for Hernandez.  Loses his gig with TNA, now he loses in the Third Round of this tournament.  At least he's going out to a guy who main evented Wrestlemania.

Umaga VS Andre The Giant
This might've been fun.  Andre still gets the win, though.  Bulldozin' a bulldozer.


BRACKET XXII, Third Round (Matches 583 & 584):

Pat O'Connor VS The Berzerker
In a completely surreal turn of events, Pat O'Connor throws The Berzerker out of the ring to get counted out!  (Which is what The Berzerker did to his opponents.  Dude, it's not as cool when you have to explain it.)

Gene Kiniski VS "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig
Whoever loses, a legend will fall.  And this time, it's Mr. Perfect.  Kiniski was one of the greatest heel champions of all time; even Mr. Perfect wouldn't be able to stand up to the man who came within an eyelash of winning all three m…

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets XVII-XX, Third Round (Matches 573-580)

It's been awhile, and I'm afraid it will be an undetermined amount of "longer" still before the next batch, because I HATE writing these things now, but I was bored, I haven't posted a blog in a week or two...let's see if anybody notices if I don't mention this on Facebook and just post these eight brackets up right 'chere:


BRACKET XVII, Third Round (Matches 573 & 574):


"The IT Factor" Bobby Roode VS Mike Awesome
This would have been one for the ages, folks.  Both men quick for their size, and Mike Awesome's power matched by Bobby Roode's technical ability.  Both men former world champions.  In the end it comes down to experience.  Bobby Roode wrestled far longer than Mike Awesome chose to.  The IT Factor takes IT to the bank.

Rey Mysterio VS Rick Martel
Holy greased lightning, Batman!  The amount of agility in a ring with these two between the ropes would set the world on fire!  (Good God, King!)  I've gotta give the edge to R…

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets XIII-XVI, Third Round (Matches 565-572)

Due to some technical difficulties, I can't get this blog to akk rite and render pictures.  So we'll just have to run with all text today.

BRACKET XIII, Third Round (Matches 565 & 566):


Dick The Bruiser VS The Big Show
The Bruiser is a cigar chomping compatriot of The Crusher, a muscle-bound flat-topped bleach blonde who stomped plenty mudholes and did a fair amount of pedestian-based evaporation on the back end.  The Big Show, however, barely needs to move to fuck up your whole day.  One chop to the chest can cave in your rib cage.  Show goes to Round Fo.


Earthquake VS "Macho Man" Randy Savage
Quake was a helluv an irresistible force and immovable object all in one man.  But he was no match for the Madness Oooh, no.  You will NEEEVER EVER ever be able to stop the Madness, no you won't.  It's like a force of nature you just can't control, and yeah THE EARTHQUAKE is a force of nature, ooh yeah, BUUUT, the Madness will always be stronger, ooh, yeah.   THE …

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets IX-XII, Third Round (Matches 557-564)

BRACKET IX, Third Round (557 & 558):




Harley Race VS Roadkill, The Amish Chicken Plucker
Lo, The King shall reign over this pesant.  About five minutes.




Billy Kidman VS Loch Ness
I...think Billy Kidman is a little "out of his depth" if you know what I mean.  He's the size of one of Loch Ness's legs.


BRACKET X, Third Round (559 & 560):




Daniel Bryan VS Eddie Guerrero
Holy Dream Match, Batman!  Sadly, this can never happen, since we lost Eddie in November '05.  But just think of the awesome possibilities!  Yes, Guerrero has mas experiece, and is beloved by everybody, but I've gotta go with Daniel Bryan.  The guy is just more well rounded.  (And that's sayin' somethin'.)




Dolph Ziggler VS Antonio Inoki
Sorry Show-Off, but it ain't showin' off when you're standin' next to the most suave lookin' motherfucker in the history of professional wrestling!  Seriously, look at this guy!  Is this not the suavest motherfucker you have ever se…

Fan Video For Russian Driver: (BMX) Tricks Are(n't) For Kids

Today, my guitar playin' buddy Mike told me there was a video of a friend of his doing crazy BMX tricks in his driveway on my Facebook wall.  And lo and behold: THERE WAS!  The Night Howls have a music video, ladies and gentelmen (sort of).  Rock and roll.

Here is "Not Cleaning The Garage", aka "Old Man, Old Bike" by Donald Satanski:


THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets V-VIII, Third Round (Matches 549-556):

BRACKET V, Third Round (Matches 549 & 550):




Jackie Fargo VS Triple H
Jackie Fargo may have trained some of the best, but Triple H is one of the best.  Believe In Evolution.




Monty Brown VS Chris Benoit
This is one that would have been smash mouthed, but when Brown would go for the Pounce, Benoit would sidestep him into the Crossface for the tapout.  A brisk six minutes.


BRACKET VI, Third Round (Matches 551 & 552):




Alberto Del Rio VS "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Interesting matchup, but there's no way Austin would lose to ADR.  About 14:38 for this one, then the Stunner, followed by a beer bath for e'erbody.  (But because Austin can be a gracious motherfucker, he drenches Del Rio in Corona; also because WWE writing has never been great with subtlety.)




Bad News Brown VS Bobby Lashley
Allan "Bad News" Coage won the Bronze Medal for the U.S. in 1976 in Judo.  The guy was legit.  Lashley, however, not only has the action figure physique, the speed of a cat and th…

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Brackets I-IV, Third Round (Matches 541-548)

BRACKET I, Third Round (Matches 541 & 542):




Bobo Brazil VS Luke Harper
This one is tough, as Harper's been killin' it lately, but Brazil is a legend, and killed it for many moons.  Bobo in a good one.




Jim Londos VS "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry
Last night I stumbled on footage of Jim Londos wrestling Bronco Nagurski for the World Heavyweight Championship back in 1938.  The film was not well preserved, but it still showed most, if not all of the contest, and if Londos could fend off Bronco strength wise, he could at least stand up to Mark Henry, one would think.  Add his technique in, and you have the Greek Adonis going over the curator of the Hall of Pain.


BRACKET II, Third Round (Matches 543 & 544):




Eddie Edwards VS The Iron Sheik
All good things and all.  Iron Sheik humbles Eddie Edwards around the 15-minute mark.




"Rugged" Ronnie Garvin VS "Scrap Iron" Adam Pearce
Both men have held the NWA gold, but Peace did it in the last five…