Skip to main content

THE TOURNAMENT TO END ALL TOURNAMENTS: Bracket XL (Matches 313-320)

 

Bob Backlund VS "Cowboy" Bill Watts

Bob Backlund was "the guy" after Bruno Sammartino was "the guy".  Hulk Hogan was the next "guy" after that.  A "guy" like that can't lose in the first round, even if Bill Watts ain't no pushover.  Hope the Cowboy likes chicken, cuz Mr. Backlund has been known to hook a mean wing.




The Sheik (Ed Farhat) VS Matt Striker

Not to be confused with The Iron Shiek (who came about 20 years later,) The Sheik practically invented hardcore wrestling.  At the age of 68, he wrestled a match in Japan with his nephew SABU against two other guys where THE ROPES WERE ON FIRE.  He wound up in a coma with 3rd degree burns.  This was in 1992.  He didn't retire for another SIX YEARS.  Matt Striker better say his prayers and they better all be that the Camel Clutch is the worst The Shiek does to him.


 

Ultimo Dragon VS The French Angel

This is a surprisingly tough match.  The French Angel was a sufferer of the disease acromegaly, the same disease that Andre The Giant had.  The difference is, Maurice Tillet was only 5'7", 270lbs.  This allowed him to be immensely dense, and strong.  He was booked as this unstoppable monster, and won a version of the World Heavyweight Championship twice.  Ultimo Dragon, on the other hand, is actually an inch taller, but weighs almost 100lbs. less.  However, this man once held ten juniorweight, middleweight and cruiserweight titles simultaneously, including the WWF Light Heavyweight Championship (which was then regionally Japanese), and the WCW Cruiserweight title.  This feat has never been replicated.  Dude had ten belts at once.  The French Angel had brute strength that was hard to top.  Ultimo has been known as an innovator of offense for his whole 25 year career (the Asai Moonsault was named after him for inventing it).  What gives, the Irresistable Force, or the Immovable Object?  In this case, I have to vote for the Irresistable Force.  Ultimo Dragon advances after one interesting confrontation.


 

Lord Alfred Hayes VS Tyson Kidd

Yes, Lord Alfred Hayes was once a wrestler.  From the 1950's to the late 70's, he was one of Britain's most beloved babyfaces, but turned heel after a tour of America.  When he joined the WWF in 1982, he was mostly a commentator and occasional manager.  Tyson Kidd has hecka potential, if he could get any air time on anything except Total Divas.  He's the last guy to graduate from Stu Hart's Dungeon for fuck sake; that should count for something.  I give the bout to Kidd.


 

Shark Boy VS Corporal Kirchner

I wanted Shark Boy to win this, because the gimmick is fun to begin with, but since he's added the layer of making the character into a "Stone Cold" Steve Austin parody, he's given it such life.  But you gotta face facts.  Corporal Kirchner has a victory at a Wrestlemania, over Nikolai Volkoff no less.  (Yeah, it was a terrible match, but it's still the most impressive career accolade between the two.)  (And a hearty salute to the Corporal for still being alive.  I thought he was dead since 2006 because I read an erroneous report from WWE.com, and never saw the retraction.)  Kirchner advances.


 

Brian Adams (aka Crush) VS Violent J

Both have worn face paint for a living, and both have wrestled, but Crush could actually live up to his name.  The Big Hawaiian in a squash (or dare I say...a CRUSH!!!).


 

Chief Jay Strongbow VS Hurricane Helms

I was actually split on this one, given I've never seen Strongbow wrestle and I've always thought Hurricane was underrated.  But then I read Strongbow had a feud with "Superstar" Billy Graham when Graham was champion, and that's the tie-breaker.  Strongbow in 8:50.


 

Bronko Nagurski VS Rip Rogers

Bronko Nagurski: Former Chicago Bear (Boo!) with the largest recorded championship ring size in NFL history (19 1/2), as well as World Heavyweight Champion (he beat Lou Thez and Ray Steele for it; no other man can claim that).  Rip Rogers: Biggest career victory was during the 1993 Lethal Lottery portion of WCW's BattleBowl, teaming with Hawk to beat Davey Boy Smith and Booker T (no word as to whether he got the pinfall).  I think we know what happens here.


RECAP:

Bob Backlund defeats Bill Watts
The Shiek defeats Matt Striker
Ultimo Dragon defeats The French Angel
Tyson Kidd defeats Lord Alfred Hayes
Corporal Kirchner defeats Shark Boy
Crush defeats Violent J
Chief Jay Strongbow defeats The Hurricane
Bronko Nagurski defeats Rip Rogers

Come on back for Bracket XLI!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Update Wrap-Up

Well, The Big Four Song Challenge Series Update has drawn to a close, and here we are in the aftermath.  Metallica edged out Megadeth on the strength of bonus material, Anthrax did okay and Slayer should have broken up when Jeff Hanneman died.  For real, all coming back with another album did for them was...well, make them money and allow them to keep touring and making more money, so there's that.  But more importantly, by releasing "Repentless", they dropped from two to three on my completely arbitrary opinion based blog series status ranking system!  Surely, that can't have been worth a couple million bucks?

Anyhow, I'm getting the feeling that rock music in general is going to need to evolve into something completely different or call it quits altogether.  Rock has had its 60 year run just like jazz did before it, and if it doesn't come up with something soon, it will fade away from the public consciousness, only to return in Gap commercials in the 2040…

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Matchup 172

Anthrax "Impaled" (2016) VS Megadeth "Dystopia" (2016) VS Metallica "Atlas, Rise!" (2016) VS Slayer "Jihad" (Live from Sofia, Bulgaria) (2010)

Unfortunately, Anthrax drew the short straw here, as "Impaled" is a middling intro that, on top of being a bit of a non-song, goes on a hair too long for its own good.

"Dystopia" is a solid, upbeat fist-pumper that was a no-brainer to make the first single off the album of the same name.  It may seem a little milquetoast for the first half, but once the "single" part falls away, it reveals a banger in the back half that makes you remember why you like this stuff in the first place.  It'll take more than one listen to realize how cool this song is, but on play two or three you'll be nodding your head with a pleased scowl on your face.

My first impression of "Atlas, Rise!" was "This is the most average Metallica song ever."  Like if you took all the Met…

THE BIG FOUR SONG CHALLENGE SERIES - Matchup 178

Anthrax "Suzerain" (2016) VS Megadeth "Conquer Or Die!" (2016) VS Metallica "ManUNkind" (2016) VS Slayer "Cast The First Stone" (2015)

"Suzerain" is your pentennial reminder that Charlie Bennante don't fuck around.  Definitely the most fiery song on "For All Kings", and probably the closest to the old Anthrax as we're going to get ever again.  Bang your head in reflection.

"Conquer Or Die!" is more old school, though whether that works for or against it is up to you.  It's the three minute instrumental interlude.  This one is...fine.  Honestly, it's better than fine when compared to the song I have to review next, so I shan't complain too loudly.  But it is a song you wouldn't exactly miss if it fell off the face of the planet either.

"ManUNkind" was the point where I stopped giving "Hardwired...To Self-Destruct" the benefit of the doubt and started dreading the fact that I h…