Wladek Zbysko VS "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels
Gillberg (Duane Gill) VS "Big Cat" Ernie Ladd
This is literally a jobber VS a Hall Of Famer. Ladd in less than a minute.
Taka Michinoku VS Lance Hoyt
As awesome as Taka is/was (watch Wrestlemania XIV if you don't believe me), Lance Hoyt is like Test if Test lived up to his potential. (Which, ironically, Hoyt didn't either, but he looked good on the way down.) This glorified squash match will be over in three minutes.
"Grandmaster Sexay" Brian Christopher VS "Rock & Roll" Buck Zumhofe
It's Sex & Drugs VS Rock & Roll! (Brian Christopher got fired from WWE for trying to smuggle drugs into Canada on Vince's private jet.) I think Grandmaster Sexay was more impressive than Buck Zumhofe, but then again, I never saw Zumhofe in his prime; I know him as a jobber from the early 90's on Superstars. Still, after watching a few of Rock & Roll's matches on YouTube, I'm pretty confident in my assessment. Christopher in 4:22.
Vampiro VS Buff Bagwell
This might have happened at some point in WCW. Say what you want about Judy Bagwell's baby boy, but I think Buff could've really been something had he been promoted right. I still remember when he was The Handsome Stranger in the GWF, with the world's worst theme music until The American Males came along. (Oh wait, he was in that too.) Come to think of it, his "I'm Buff and I'm the stuff!" music sucked as well. Guy couldn't catch a break. The guy was built, had more skills than anybody remembers, and his cocky-ass persona made for great television. Vampiro is known for hardcore knockdown dragouts, running with posses, and generally being an "outsider" (yet not n.W.o.). He's good, but...well, based on the first YouTube result I got, we'll go with Marcus Alexander Bagwell, because he won that match on Nitro like 15 years ago. Yeah. Imagine it goes exactly like that.
Arn Anderson VS "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair
Yes, I chose this match completely at random out of 720 names. I think this would be an incredible match, and under the right circumstances Arn Anderson could win, but I think Flair has to beat him tonight. a good, solid 25 minutes of back and forth with both men exhausted at the end when Arn finally taps out to the figure four.
Mil Mascaras VS The One Man Gang
One is the most famous luchador to ever live (before Rey Mysterio Jr., that is), and the other is 6'9", 450lbs. Two very different 450 splashes on display here, if you know what I mean. Sure, Mascaras knocked Vader down once on Raw in 1997 with a moonsault from the stage to the floor, but I think in a sustained match the Gang would have the advantage. It's only a matter of time before the big man swats the fly, and that time is 6:28.
"Das Wunderkind" Alex Wright VS Jay Lethal
Seeing these two lock it up in their primes would have been interesting. Alas, Alex Wright's came in 1994 and Jay Lethal's is arguably now. Lethal's been in the ROH title picture since he joined the company, and he had several runs as X-Divison Champ, so I think after about 9:21, Black Machismo pins Das Wunderkind forever and a day, Ooh Yeah!
Wladek Zbysko defeats "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels
"Big Cat" Ernie Ladd defeats Gillberg
Lance Hoyt defeats Taka Michinoku
"Grandmaster Sexay" Brian Christopher defeats "Rock & Roll" Buck Zumhofe
Buff Bagwell defeats Vampiro
"Nature Boy" Ric Flair defeats Arn Anderson
One Man Gang defeats Mil Mascaras
Jay Lethal defeats Alex Wright
Fans, we are out of time! Tune in tomorrow for Thunder, the greatest night in the history of this sport!