Skip to main content

IT'S TIME TO RUMBLE: A Look Back At Royal Rumbles' Past (Part VII)


Winner: Sheamus
(Entry: 22nd | Lasted: 22:21| Eliminations: 3)

Bridesmaid: Chris Jericho
(Entry: 29th | Lasted: 11:34 | Eliminations: 2)

Iron Man: The Miz
(Entry: 1st | Lasted: 45:39 | Eliminations: 2 | Dumped: 25th)

Eliminator: Cody Rhodes
(Entry: 4th | Lasted: 41:55| Eliminations: 6 | Dumped: 24th)

First To Fall: Alex Riley
(Entry: 2nd | Lasted: 1:15)

Loser: Epico
(Entry: 10th | Lasted: 0:11 | Dumped: 6th)


  • Total Match Time: 54:55
  • Aside from all three members of the commentary team entering the Rumble, there was nothing of note to happen in this match.  Nothing.  Not one statistical anomaly, not one record broken, not one surprising return...Nothing.

Who Walked Out Of The Event As Champion?

CM Punk continued his march to the longest World title reign since Hulk Hogan's first run (though still fell short by around 1,000 days) by beating Dolph Ziggler.  Daniel Bryan escaped a cage with Big Show and Mark Henry in it.

Did The Winner Go On To Win The Championship?

Yes.  In 18 seconds.  This was the end of the World Heavyweight Championship having any meaning.  I hate to be that guy, but less than two years later they merged it with the other title.  Jus' sayin'.


(Entry: 19th | Lasted: 26:39 | Eliminations: 4)

Bridesmaid: Ryback
(Entry: 30th | Lasted: 9:06 | Eliminations: 5)

Iron Man: Dolph Ziggler
(Entry: 1st | Lasted: 49:47 | Eliminations: 2 | Dumped: 27th)

Eliminator: TIE

Ryback (5)

(Entry: 11th | Lasted: 37:23 | Eliminations: 5 | Dumped: 28th)

First To Fall: Santino Marella
(Entry: 5th | Lasted: 0:55)

Loser: The Godfather
(Entry: 17th | Lasted: 0:05 | Dumped: 10th)


  • Total Match Time: 55:07
  • Dolph Ziggler lasted longer than the 2010 Royal Rumble's entire match time by 23 seconds.
  • John Cena sets the mark for longest interval between Rumble wins with five years.  Before that, Austin was the only non-Back-To-Back repeat winner, taking a year off between his second and third Rumble wins.
  • Other than that, we knew at the time John Cena was going to win, so this whole Pay-Per-View was a mere formality.

Who Walked Out Of The Event As Champion?

Alberto Del Rio duct taped Big Show's leg to the rope to win a Last Man Standing Match, and CM Punk wrestled The Rock three weeks out of knee surgery in a match that saw an end to his 434 day run as WWE Champion at the hands of The Great One.

Did The Winner Go On To Win The Championship?

Of course.  Cena ALWAYS gets his win back.


Winner: Boo (ahem) Ba-tista.
(Entry: 28th | Lasted: 14:34 | Eliminations: 4)

Bridesmaid: Roman Reigns
(Entry: 15th | Lasted: 33:51 | Eliminations: 12)

Iron Man: CM Punk
(Entry: 1st | Lasted: 49:11 | Eliminations: 3)

Eliminator: Roman Reigns (12)

First To Fall: Damien Sandow
(Entry: 3rd | Lasted: 2:17)

Loser: The Great Khali
(Entry: 16th | Lasted: 0:24 | Dumped: 10th)


  • Total Match Time: 55:07
  • Roman Reigns sets a record with a whopping 12 eliminations.  That's 40% of the field.
  • Batista sets a record with nine years between Royal Rumble wins.
  • El Torito sets a record as the smallest competitor in Royal Rumble history. (4'5", 110lbs.)  (Though an inch taller than Hornswoggle, he's 32 pounds lighter)
  • On the undercard, The New Age Outlaws broke a record, winning the tag team titles after last winning them in late 1999.  No singles wrestler or tag team has ever recaptured a title after a fourteen year span.  (The closest I can think of was Bob Backlund winning the WWF Championship at Survivor Series 1994 after losing it Boxing Day of 1983.  The Rock too; Summerslam 2002 and Royal Rumble 2013.)
  • With the exception of the Daniel Bryan/Bray Wyatt match, the entire event was critically reviled.  The fans not only booed Batista (a "good guy") out of the building for winning (to which he responded "Deal with it!"), but Rey Mysterio got NUCLEAR heat for coming out #30 and not being Daniel Bryan.  Everybody felt it was his year.  People started walking out of the arena at that point.  Then when it came down to Roman Reigns and Batista, the fans cheered the bad guy as opposed to the "returning conquering hero".
  • CM Punk walked out of the company the next day.  Here's why.  

Who Walked Out Of The Event As Champion?

This was the first Royal Rumble after the world titles were re-unified, so only one to report: Randy Orton won a half-hour long series of chin locks masquerading as "a match" against John Cena (who got his win back at Hell In A Cell).  The fans booed this shit out of the building as well.

Did The Winner Go On To Win The Championship?

NOPE!  Debate will rage for years if WWE was working us all or if they actually felt the tremendous pressure and put Daniel Bryan into the Wrestlemania main event, but Batista wound up tapping out in a triple threat match to the man of the hour.  Of course Bryan then had a Wrestlecrap-worthy program with Kane before having to drop the belts due to a neck injury and nerve damage in his arm because we just can't have nice things.  Oh, hey, speaking of which:


Winner: Roman Reigns
(Entry: 19th | Lasted: 27:29 | Eliminations: 6)

Bridesmaid: Rusev
(Entry: 15th | Lasted: 35:40 | Eliminations: 6)

Iron Man: Bray Wyatt
(Entry: 5th | Lasted: 47:29 | Eliminations: 6)

Eliminator: TIE
(Technically a three way tie, but Roman Reigns had help on one of them from Dean Ambrose, so:)

Rusev (6)

Bray Wyatt (6)

First To Fall: The Miz
(Entry: 1st | Lasted: 4:01)

Loser: Titus O'Neil
(Entry: 26th | Lasted: 0:04 | Dumped: 18th)


  • Total Match Time: 59:31
  • This Rumble is viewed by many (myself included) as not only the worst Royal Rumble of all time, but one of the worst booked wrestling matches in history.  Let me count the ways:
  • Daniel Bryan was in the match, but he was eliminated after 10 minutes.  The most over guy in the entire business, and they put him between entries 10 and 15 because they didn't want Roman Reigns to get booed.
  • They then had ABSOLUTELY no other stars come out besides Roman Reigns.  I mean, Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler were both hopes against hope but to call either stars is to stretch the definition to the point of breaking (especially now).
  • The Big Show and Kane started teaming up to eliminate everybody in the ring one by one.  Systematically.  By knocking one person unconscious and dumping them in tandem.  (This is how Kane broke Shawn Michaels's all-time elimination record with 42 dumps, by the way.)  Seriously, they did this like four times.  By the time they were done, half the building was empty, and the rest were resigned to their fate, chanting "Please retire!" at both 20+ year veterans.
  • When it came time for Roman to get tossed, of course he Cena'd up and won.  Then the giants beat him down for retribution.  This is when The Rock (Roman's cousin once-removed) came down to make the save.  Just after they did all that to serve Kane & Big Show to Roman on a silver platter to make him look strong, they put him in peril to the point where he needed help.
  • The Rock cleared house and left the ring, instructing Roman to "do his thing".  Roman starts to celebrate, and the fans start chanting "We want Rusev".  Why?  Because Rusev was pulling a Santino Marella, and he runs in the ring and is instantly thrown over the top rope and fuck you.
  • THE ROCK is then booed out of the building as he raises Roman's hand and an eyebrow of incredulity.  The Rock, may I remind you, is quantifiably one of the most popular people on the planet.
  • #CancelWWENetwork trended worldwide.
  • The page to cancel a network subscription crashed early and didn't go back up for days.
  • The network hit 1,000,000 subscribers for the first time later in the week.  It hasn't dipped below that number since no matter how much we all love to complain.  (Full disclosure: I do not have, nor have I ever had a subscription.)

Who Walked Out Of The Event As Champion?

Brock Lesnar won a Match Of The Year candidate (it was my favorite, since I don't watch New Japan or NXT often enough) against John Cena and Seth Rollins.  Seriously, I can't think of a better triple threat match since maybe Wrestlemania XX.

Did The Winner Go On To Win The Championship?

NOPE AGAIN!  Seth Rollins cashed in the Money In The Bank briefcase (which guarantees the holder a World Title shot anytime they want for up to one year) during the main event of Wrestlemania.  (A fact that was spoiled for me BY WIKIPEDIA while I was doing research for The Tournament To End All Tournaments.  Looking up Bruno Sammartino's title reign to see if it was longer than Jim Londos's, and I get a picture of Seth Rollin's mug when I open the article for WWWF Champion (it redirects).  Still mad about that.)

Anyway, check back tomorrow night, and I'll have the stats for the 2016 Royal Rumble, plus a conclusion of some kind!


Popular posts from this blog


Well, The Big Four Song Challenge Series Update has drawn to a close, and here we are in the aftermath.  Metallica edged out Megadeth on the strength of bonus material, Anthrax did okay and Slayer should have broken up when Jeff Hanneman died.  For real, all coming back with another album did for them was...well, make them money and allow them to keep touring and making more money, so there's that.  But more importantly, by releasing "Repentless", they dropped from two to three on my completely arbitrary opinion based blog series status ranking system!  Surely, that can't have been worth a couple million bucks?

Anyhow, I'm getting the feeling that rock music in general is going to need to evolve into something completely different or call it quits altogether.  Rock has had its 60 year run just like jazz did before it, and if it doesn't come up with something soon, it will fade away from the public consciousness, only to return in Gap commercials in the 2040…


Anthrax "Impaled" (2016) VS Megadeth "Dystopia" (2016) VS Metallica "Atlas, Rise!" (2016) VS Slayer "Jihad" (Live from Sofia, Bulgaria) (2010)

Unfortunately, Anthrax drew the short straw here, as "Impaled" is a middling intro that, on top of being a bit of a non-song, goes on a hair too long for its own good.

"Dystopia" is a solid, upbeat fist-pumper that was a no-brainer to make the first single off the album of the same name.  It may seem a little milquetoast for the first half, but once the "single" part falls away, it reveals a banger in the back half that makes you remember why you like this stuff in the first place.  It'll take more than one listen to realize how cool this song is, but on play two or three you'll be nodding your head with a pleased scowl on your face.

My first impression of "Atlas, Rise!" was "This is the most average Metallica song ever."  Like if you took all the Met…


Anthrax "Suzerain" (2016) VS Megadeth "Conquer Or Die!" (2016) VS Metallica "ManUNkind" (2016) VS Slayer "Cast The First Stone" (2015)

"Suzerain" is your pentennial reminder that Charlie Bennante don't fuck around.  Definitely the most fiery song on "For All Kings", and probably the closest to the old Anthrax as we're going to get ever again.  Bang your head in reflection.

"Conquer Or Die!" is more old school, though whether that works for or against it is up to you.  It's the three minute instrumental interlude.  This one is...fine.  Honestly, it's better than fine when compared to the song I have to review next, so I shan't complain too loudly.  But it is a song you wouldn't exactly miss if it fell off the face of the planet either.

"ManUNkind" was the point where I stopped giving "Hardwired...To Self-Destruct" the benefit of the doubt and started dreading the fact that I h…