This New Album Is The Michael Jordan Of Bad Albums! - Music Reviews, 7/19/2022

 

I didn't go looking for trouble necessarily, but here we are.  Rip the band-aid.  Let's talk about:

Arcade Fire "WE"

Rife with twee indie cliché.  Synth choices that baffle, shitty falsettos that weave in and out, self-important white guy with acoustic guitar bullshit...it's got it all!  I thought "Age Of Anxiety I" was fine, but this album happily drives off the edge of a canyon, thinking its Wile E. Coyote descent is the beginning of an ascent into space.

MAN is this pretentious.  You get the vibe that Arcade Fire think every second of this is capital I "IMPORTANT" and it might still have the power to change the world!  I kinda hate that that's not remotely possible because we need to change the world drastically, but songs might change one person's mood, might even change their attitude at best.  The world?  Go fuck yourself.  I can almost respect the intent if it didn't also feel like they think they did change the world by dropping this.  

And like, as the album goes on, there's "Unconditional I (Lookout Kid)"; that's song's okay.  And then...wait.  PETER FUCKING GABRIEL'S HERE?!?!?  I wish he was on a better song; the woman singing this is not good.  Also, he only does barely audible backing vocals so why the fuck are we even here?

This album is stereotypical to a fault of what shitty indie music was in the 00's and 10's.  The kind that made people like me stay away from it.  The delivery, the presentation...a lot of this would be better served if it wasn't trying to be so goddam anthemic with a wimpy, punchable aura about it.  Because I love a lot of indie music now; hell I even came into this wanting to like it based off the single.  But if not for Arcade Fire, I would have gotten into indie several years earlier if not for their weasel-voiced pomposity.  C'est la vie.

The Nixons "Kaleidoscope"

There are some reviews I undertake strictly on the shock value of "Holy shit, this band still exists?!?"  The Nixons were a rock radio staple in my neck of the woods 'round 1996.  You could not get away from "Sister" or "Head" back in the day.  (Re-listened to "Head" for this and God what a wretched song.  I cannot believe that was a radio hit.)

...Anyway that's all there is to this one.  The EP is exceedingly competent yet painfully boring radio rock.  Nothing of note at all.

Rex Orange County "Who Cares?"

"Keep It Up" has been getting a fair amount of play on the local radio station and it is indeed a bop, so I checked the album out.  I'm reminded of The Talking Heads' Little Creatures and that's not a complement.   The first two songs are pretty good and the other seven are exact yet increasingly lesser replicas of track two (especially because Tyler The Creator is on track two and...okay, adds nothing, but still it's not like he takes anything away either.)  This starts strong and gets old real fast.

Yet as an album, it does have a leg up on Little Creatures believe it or not: the song that gets replicated is enough of an innocuous vibe (as opposed to the corporate-approved nu-new wave of the former) that it's less irksome to sit through.  (Though "And She Was" and "Road To Nowhere" absolutely smoke "Keep It Up" and "Open A Window".)  So like, this'll still probably drop into the "Okay" pile, but I'll never listen to it again in full.

Bad Suns "Apocalypse Whenever"

Decent enough non-descript pop rock, but there's a line that says "Alexa plays our favorite song" so fire this into the Oort Cloud.

So, despite the somewhat negative nature of these reviews, Arcade Fire is the only one so far that would make my "Bottom Tier", my Worst Of 2022 list so to speak.  And that's because I've been staying in my lane pretty hard this year (a wide lane to be sure; just take a look at last year's best of list, but still).  So I thought I should move a little out of my comfort zone.  (Plus, I only have two albums for the Worst List and I'm more than 70 deep.)

But where do we find such faire?  Well, I googled "Worst Albums Of 2022 So Far" and wouldn't cha know, AOTY came through.  They already have a running Bottom 25 based on their ratings system, so y'know what?  I'ma run the table.  (Not all in this blog and not all necessarily in order, but before the end of the year.  Matter of fact, I've reviewed two of them already and don't agree with the assessment.)  (Also, the list has already changed between writing and proofreading; an album dropped this week that made the top...er, bottom ten, so I may have to keep checking.)

I haven't pointed and laughed (much) at the music of 2022, so I think it's high time to kick that into gear.  Strap on them Jordans cuz we fixin' to dunk on some fools!

25. Ann Wilson "Fierce Bliss"

Really?  This is way too functional to be in the bottom of any year.  It's doing what it's trying to do pretty well for its intended audience.  "Black Wing" is kind of ambitious for a 70+ year old legacy rock vet to put on their solo album and I admire that.  As the kids say, she did not need to go that hard (but she did).  "Forget Her" has a dope guitar melody in the chorus too.  Really livens up a song that needed an extra something to put it over the top.

Then again, "Love Of My Life" with Vince Gill tries to serve it up to the adult contemporary fans Heart picked up with "These Dreams", so I guess there's one skip.  "Missionary Man" ain't great either, but I've heard worse.  I can see why people under 30 might listen to this album and think "This is boomer shit; fuck all boomer shit" and they're not wrong, but there has to be nuance to that approach or you lose a lot of foundational musical ideas.  For a late-period solo album from a singer that, may I remind you is 72, listen to this and tell me she doesn't still have it.

"Gladiator" has some classic rock epic energy.  It is kind of weird that Ann is doing a song like this without her sister Nancy on guitar, but

Wait, what do you MEAN review over?!?  This is my blog!  Fuck off!!  Hey HEY!!!  Just because I wanna talk about the elephant in the room you're gonna kick me outta my own shit?!?  I was in the middle of giving a positive review to an album on AOTY's Bottom 25!  You need all the help you can...

Whelp.  Guess that review's over.  What's next?

24. Pictish Trail "Island Family"

Slightly-catchy indietronica with a bunch of vocal processing.  I don't mind it at all.  Some fuzz tone electric guitar to add texture, but that's it.  His voice is a little annoying, I could see it hitting a little wrong if you're not in the mood, but this album doesn't impose itself enough to be good or bad; it doesn't stand out.  It's competent though, I even sort of liked a few songs.  I'ma say this is another miss for AOTY.  0 for 2.

23. Methyl Ethel  "Are You Haunted?"

For those of you disappointed by the last few Kongos albums, this may scratch your itch nicely.  The vocals are an acquired taste, but for me they weren't a deal-breaker.  Some pretty cool synth and piano melodies weaving through the space.  The song "Proof" (with Stella Donnelly) is not just the best thing I listened to for this whole Blog post, but one of the better songs I've heard all year.  "Matters" stands out too.  I liked this album.  This streak can't last, can it?

22. Billy Talent "Crisis Of Faith"

It's Alter Bridge mashed up with Rise Against, and it actually works!  I've heard of Billy Talent, but never taken a listen before now and...I have no context why this would be the twenty-second worst anything because if you're talking hard alternative radio rock, this is fairly decent caliber.  

Then the second half of the album happened.  I had fun with it, but it does get incredibly corny incredibly fast.  It starts as an album with rage at [*gestures at world*], but then Rivers Cuomo is on a song not far enough above Train's "50 Ways To Say Goodbye" on the cheesy scale and yeah, I can see why people would be a little miffed.  Still, I can't say I didn't enjoy it.

21. Future "I NEVER LIKED YOU"

The feeling's mutual!

Okay, let's wrap it there.  Future aside, I enjoyed the "Worst Albums Of 2022 (So Far)" better than the ones I chose to listen to for this review; four up, four down.  Weird.  Anyway, I hope everybody's staying as safe as they can in this hell world that passes for society nowadays.  It's getting harder, but keep choosing:

Love Over Fear.