THE TOP TEN WORST SONGS OF 2020

Here it is.  Go nuts.  There's plenty of text on screen, which you'd think I'd've thought to copy so I could paste it into this blog, but here we are.  I had to type it manually.  Anyway, this is dumb, I hope it's fun, and Love Over Fear.  Stay tuned for the Best Songs Of 2020 coming soon.

10. "Boomin'"

Teyana Taylor, Future, Missy Elliot and Timbaland

• It took this many big names to make this vacuous piece of nothing.
• How do you make Missy Elliot and Timbaland this BORING?!?
• How is Future the most interesting thing going on here?
• Only put this on the list because I needed ten entries.  It's not as insufferable as it could have been.
• It's more perplexing that it exists at all, really.

9. "One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong"

Father John Misty

• This song's basically over at the 4:50 mark, but it just.  Keeps.  GOING.
• Not only that, but the "La da da daaaa"'s and the pained "Whaaaaa"'s make me face palm.
• He kind of starts scream-singing at the end, without fully committing to either, and it's supposed to sound pained, but it comes off as laughable.
• Never been a fan of sad bastard folk music.
• Because it's Father John Misty singing the words, all the empathy gets sucked out of the song.
• Was tough to choose between this and "Anthem" (the title track to the EP this comes from), but in the end the "WAAAAGH"'s have it.

8. "Say So"

Doja Cat

• I decided to put this on the list because it should have been on my Best Songs of 2020 list, but when I hear it all I can think is "Dr. Luke produced this".
• I will not say this is a bad song, but knowing who made it and what they did sullies any enjoyment I can get out of it.
• If he'd just co-produced it, there'd be a work-around, since a cover or a remix could take him off the track, but no.  Dude co-wrote it.
• It's also impossibly catchy, so it's like hitting myself in the head with every beat when it won't leave me alone.  [Somethingsomethingfittingsomethingsomethingconsentgrumblegrumble.]
• I miss being able to just enjoy shit without knowing everybody's a monster.

 

7. This One Christian Country Song I Can't Find The Name Of

• My objection to the song has NOTHING to do with it being Christian.  When I hear it, I usually can't make out the lyrics because it's on a radio 30 feet away.  It's on this list for aesthetic reasons and overplay.
• My co-worker listens to 105.3 WLVE every day, and like any radio station they play the same songs all the time.
• The one in question is a man/woman duet with the woman coming in to belt out the last chorus and a slide guitar hits right after to seal it.
• Looking through their most played songs, I can't find it for the life of me.
• I hear this thing three times a shift.
• That slide guitar makes it sound like a commercial.  It's already a Christian Country sound; how much more watered down do you need?  (Enough for a baptism?  HEY-O!)
• [Blogger's note: This week, I've noticed the song has disappeared entirely from rotation.  Haven't heard it since I started working on this video.  Hmmm.]

 

6. "No Guidance"

Chris Brown & Drake

• SPEAKING of overplay...
• This song came out in 2019, but was still inescapably everywhere in 2020, so it still counts.
• The melodic ideas on display could have been really good in the right hands.  Instead we got the Hip Hop & R&B equivalent of modern-day Bruce Willis when it comes to lyrical effort.
• The cover art is gorgeous too.  Shame to waste it on this.
• The songs is by two dudes who have no business trying to make romantic songs, but somehow their charm and charisma keep covering up the continental-sized red flags of their reputations.

5. "Hot Girl Bummer"

Blackbear

• Counting it for this year because it came out on NOW 74.
• Get ready to feel like you're being punched (and not in a fun way?)
• Like, for real.  If you've heard the song, you know the sound I'm making over this visual is the verses, right?  This might as well be the lyrics, too.
• The chorus is also kidney-punchingly catchy, so fuck them for that too.
• It's about...honestly, I don't care what it's about.  This whole fucking song's just a headache.

 

4. "Roses" (Imanbeck Remix)

Saint Jhn

• The first time I heard this, I could NOT stop laughing.
• I'd heard of it before then, because it was like #5 on Billboard, but when I tuned into the pop station and heard this was the most requested song of the day...I couldn't believe this was for real.
• The high-pitched vocals just...this has to be a joke, right?
• This song trying to pass itself off as respectable just...shits in my brain and makes me burst forth with joyous shrieks of "Fucking REALLY??!?!?  FOR REAL!?!?!?" in between bouts of raucous laughter.

 

3. "That Way"

Lil Uzi Vert

• Plagiarized cover art for the single
• Backstreet Boys sample that has nothing to do with the song.
• The line "They laugh at me because I'm emo / Killed my last girlfriend; Now I'm single (fuck her)"
• Actually, all of the lyrics.
• Reedy, shitty voice.
• Enraptured fan base that amplifies, nay, deifies his shittiness.

 

2. "Yummy"

Justin Bieber

• Didn't think this would rank so high, but the more I thought about it, the more I hate this one.
• Song gets stuck in my head at the drop of a hat and that's enough to make me wanna punch it into the sun.
• Honestly should have made it number one, but it's a pain to change the graphics, so I'm just gonna leave it here.  (Besides, he was desperate enough to get his fans to commit streaming fraud to get this to #1 (which didn't work), so he doesn't get to be #1 here either.)
• Does anyone else get sex pest vibes from Bieber lately?  Like this guy's done something it's only a matter of time before we find out about that ends his career?  The way he looks in the music video certainly isn't helping.

1. "Savage Love" (Laxed - Siren Beat)

Jawsh 685 x Jason Derulo

• Gets stuck in my head for a week at a time just at the mention of its existence.
• Cheapest production on a hit song in at least the last 15 years.
• Haven't heard the BTS remix, but the superstar remix teamup to get a number one has fucked up the charts this year, and I hope it stops.