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Showing posts from October, 2011


I'm having second thoughts about writing this. Not because I've been a Metallica apologist since "St. Anger", but because the funniest thing I could do is just throw up a link to the album and just say: "Have fun". It's really that bad.

For those who didn't hear the news, Lou Reed & Metallica have done an album together, and it's one of the worst albums ever made. That's not hyperbole. There are already conspiracy theories flying around the net about how this whole thing is a practical joke. (I'm especially drawn to the LOL cover theory, where the second L and the U in the title are positioned surrounding the empty arm socket of the...mannequin? cyborg? who knows? Anyway, It's supposed to say LOL.)

And yes, it's that bad. You know you're screwed when the first reaction of a long-time fan like me is unabashed, unabated laughter. Seriously, this might surpass The Lonely Island's "Turtleneck & Chain&quo…

Get On It, Washington.

Wait, I've got it! Ninjas cover their mouths. Which means ninjas don't have lip flaps. Which saves money. Ninjas can fix the recession, because ninjas save money! There, I did it! (With ninjas!) Now the government can get back to something less embarrassing, y'know, like discussing semen stains. (Yes, those were actually the good old days.)

Another Brick In The Wall, Pt. 2,011

It seems to me human progress can be defined as centuries of repeatedly bashing our heads against a wall, followed by an instant when we finally think not to do it. Kind of like that one Star Trek where the Enterprise is caught in a temporal causality loop and they have to go through it seven or eight times to figure out how not to blow up. We do things one way for so long, sometimes under the duress of authority, that it takes a long time to come up with a better path.

It's like a blurry image that only becomes clear when you get close enough; an invention, a vaccine, a path to peace in the middle east... All of these are inconceivable until one of us gets close enough to see the answer.

Then we have to help everyone else see it.

Getting the rest of us to stop hitting the wall is the hard part. Just ask Socrates or Galileo or Harriet Tubman or someone that believes in climate change. If only there was some way for the smart ones among us to just go: "Dude, no. Like this...&q…

SEPTEMBER FLOW BE HEAVY (Music Reviews, Pt. 3)

I'm back so much, you might need a back hoe.



Opeth "Heritage" *** and 1/4

From what I've been hearing, this album has been causing some flame wars in the metal community. Some people herald it as a trippy masterpiece while others deride it as a sellout move. Some think it's okay, but it's not heavy enough. Since these sentiments describe the comments on just about every metal album ever released, maybe I should elaborate.

Opeth has already done an album of lighter faire, (2003's "Damnation") and things like harmony and melody have been present on every one of their releases. Fans of this band won't be thrown as readily for a loop by the complete absence of the death metal on this one, though they may be thrown nonetheless. A friend of mine is a huge Opeth fan, and he says the album reminds him of 70's prog. That assessment's pretty accurate; you've got the classical guitars, the seeming conceptual string loo…

SEPTEMBER FLOW BE HEAVY (Music Reviews, Pt. 2)

Back once again is the Renegade Master, default damager, power to the people.

Gary Ogan "Sound Ground" ***

Surprisingly good. Got this one out of one of the infamous Exclusive Company grab bags. (10 CDs sight unseen for $5.99. Hey, it's fun not knowing what you'll get.) Reminds me of Paul Simon, but with more America-esque three part vocal harmony. Gary Ogan got his start with Leon Russel's band back in the early 70's, so this guys knows a thing or two about a thing or a thousand. And the fact that he can still put out a quality set in 2010 is testament to his not forgetting any of it.

Jakszyk, Fripp & Collins "A Scarcity Of Miracles" ** and 1/2

More like a Scarcity of Reasons to Stay Conscious. There had been rumors of a King Crimson album since 2007, and I guess this is the closest we're going to get. This is technically known as Projekt 7 (Robert Fripp gives different formations of the band different names when they aren't the…